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TV Recap: Celebrity Apprentice

Athena won last week, and TBoz gives her $20k to her charity. If you missed last week, you missed a lot. Dennis drank himself straight to a Trump-style intervention, and Trump says he should be getting help.

This week starts with Trump switching up the teams – Kotu is now Herschel, Clint, Joan, the LPGA gal (still don’t know her name…) and Khloe. Athena is now Jesse, Melissa, Annie, TBoz and Brandy. Brian is MIA at a concert, so he’s irrelevant now.

The task this week involves ALL (yes, the laundry detergent), and the teams are responsible for producing a video intended to be a viral video used on the internet. The video has to be about ALL Small and Mighty 3x Concentrated detergent. Perez Hilton is going to be the judge. Should they really put celebrities in a room with that guy?

Melissa is Athena’s PM, and Clint is the man for Kotu. Don & Ivanka will be Trump’s eyes and ears – how is it possible that both of those people came from Trump’s loins? Ivanka is gorgeous – Don is pathetic. Blows my mind.

The teams set out, and Jesse has some ideas for a biker video. Annie would rather do a video on Jesse James being chased by midgets. He refuses. Oddly enough, Joan comes up with a similar idea using midgets coming out of a washing machine. Are midgets the only “small” things people can come up with???

Clint then came up with a great idea to make it a big dirty joke with “doing the wash” being synonymous with sex.

Athena grills the execs about how far they can push, the demographic, and what they are looking for in the video. Kotu has their idea all planned, and the execs are just shocked with the questions Kotu shoots at them. And to be honest, the questions are a little off the wall. Their idea is good – it’s just like they don’t know how to talk to people who aren’t in entertainment.

The ladies of Kotu want to redo the original idea, and Joan’s got a ton of ideas she’s vomiting out. Some are good, some are crazy – the crazy would be the drag queen as Clint Black’s love interest (maybe not-so-crazy…) Clint completely ignores the ladies, and no one will stand up to him – no one but Joan that is. She throws her hands up in the air, letting Clint self-destruct. I actually like his idea, but if everyone isn’t on board, he should rethink his strategy.

The ladies of Athena bully Jesse into doing the midget-chasing video, and though he “loves little people” he jumps on board when he hears they’ll be wearing sparkly blue superhero suits. Don Jr. seems a little worried about the use of the word “midget” and though he questions the actors, they seem to be cool with whatever. Specifically, they say, “It’s better than being an Oompa-Loompa.”

Over at Kotu, for some reason, they are having a midget be the main actor. He was not good, and it was totally laughable. Clint requested a “knowing smile” and got an uncomfortable cringe instead. Clint steps in, and the girls are embarrassed with the whole situation. They aren’t sure how it relates to laundry or anything else that they are supposed to be doing. They try to ask him, but he just ignores them. Joan flips out on him, and won’t let him finish. I’m no Clint Black fan, but frankly, the ladies didn’t have any other concrete ideas, so I guess they should just let him go. Clint finally explains that one of the ladies is going to be the female in the video. They argue over who is going to have to do it – and miss the most glaring viral component they have – Joan Rivers. How funny would it be for her to play his wife? I’d pay to see that. Okay, no I wouldn’t, but there have to be some sick bastards out there who would.

They end up hiring a chick to be the girl. The rest of the gals sit around doing nothing, which may or may not reflect poorly on them in the end. They don’t have a choice, so it shouldn’t be too bad for them. Khloe and Herschel are BFFs, and she keeps him updated on the insanity that is going on.

Annie and TBoz come back with the outfits, and the one midget likes it, but the goth one isn’t digging it. Maybe Oompa Loompa isn’t sounding so bad anymore? They chase a filthy Jesse down and scrub and spray him to clean him up.

Herschel shows up for Kotu, and walks into Clint’s hotel room (the location of part of the shoot), and he’s confused. The whole concept is just not working, and the team gets ready to defend themselves in front of Trump.

It’s 10pm now, and I just wish this show would be over. It’s so freaking dumb at this point – I don’t even care who wins. Let’s just call it now – Clint gets the ax.

Since I’m supposed to, I’ll continue this recap. The ladies & Herschel are locked out of the editing room, and Clint is freaking out because it sucks. On the other hand, everyone is cracked up at Athena’s video. They decide to call it “Jesse James Dirty With Midgets” – and you know it’s gonna win.

From the top, Clint’s video sucks. He wants input, and Herschel suggests captions, and equates the video to an ugly baby (no one can see how ugly their own baby is…) Joan tries to give input and Clint ignores it.

Finally, it’s time to show the videos to the executives. Both videos leave the execs speechless, and Perez Hilton declares that Athena’s video was over all better. But neither video is geared to the demographic. The execs don’t like the end of Athena’s video, and they don’t like the message of Kotu’s. Does there have to be a winner? It looks like Trump might have to fire everyone. Hooray – no more Celebrity Apprentice!

Okay, that only happened in my dreams after I fell asleep watching this nonsense. This morning, I’m watching the boardroom portion, and its more nonsense. Joan rails against Clint’s leadership and his lack of listening skills. Natalie (that’s the LPGA gal) admits they thought it was funny at first, but that it got out of hand. Herschel says he flat out didn’t “get it”. Joan goes on and on about how she is the best at everything she touches, and Clint tries to explain further.

Trump breaks in and asks Melissa how she’s feeling about the whole thing. She is not happy with the attacks on her mom. Then she tells her mom that she does that to people – not letting them finish their ideas. Then Trump asks Melissa if she and Joan are obnoxious, of course she says no – but Don Jr. second guesses that. Funniest moment all night.

So, who wins? No one! The ALL execs hated both videos. Trump agrees that both videos sucked. Both teams are bringing people back into the boardroom, and two people are going home tonight. Melissa told her team earlier that she would take responsibility if they failed, but she takes TBoz and Brandy down with her. Clint knows he can’t fight Joan, so he takes Khloe and Natalie with him.

Trump explains that while some people liked Athena’s video, the ALL execs didn’t, and that is what matters. Trump fires TBoz for volunteering to come back to the boardroom. Melissa and Brandy are shocked, and they all leave.

Trump starts grilling Clint about why he’s there, and if he’d rather go back home to work. He says no, he’s here for the duration. Next he jumps on Natalie. She has a chance to be in a huge Asian tournament, but she passed it up to be here. And now it’s Khloe’s turn. He asks her about her absence last week, and it turns out it was because of a DUI. In light of Dennis’ actions last week, he explains that he is upset that the reason was alcohol related. He felt a little betrayed that he had no idea she had done that, and in the end fires her.

Next week…who cares?