TV Recap: Hell's Kitchen - A Heart Attack Dipped In A Stroke

About the picture to the right: This is the third season of Hell’s Kitchen. It’s a dependable summer show that garners decent ratings—decent enough so that Fox built upon that and made an American version of Ramsay’s BBC show Kitchen Nightmares. The picture at right is a from a promo that aired during this episode of Hell’s Kitchen for the second season of Kitchen Nightmares on Fox. Do you notice anything weird about it (other than the fact that I’m completely ghetto and took a picture of my TV with my cameraphone)? Like, perhaps the fact that they SPELLED HIS NAME WRONG? Unbelievable.

Last week: Jen should have been eliminated, but “The Black Gordon Ramsay” didn’t provide enough drama, so he got the ax instead.

We begin this week’s episode with everybody reeling from Ramsay’s decision to keep Jen. For her part, Jen’s trying to play nice to get some people on her side. It doesn’t really work.

The next morning, Ramsay gathers the final four in Hell’s Kitchen for the challenge. He looks at them and reiterates that one of them will become the executive chef at his brand-new restaurant. They do a weird cutaway from Ramsay at this point; my guess is so the viewers can’t see him choking down the bile that is surely rising at this prospect.

Apparently this challenge is the hardest challenge yet: Each chef will come up with a dish and cook it for 80 customers—but they’re not just any customers (of course). Ramsay doesn’t say who they are, just that he would bend over backwards to make them happy and that their comments will decide who wins. He gives them one hour to cook and any ingredients they want to use.

Jen may not be making friends in the kitchen, but she did endear herself to me a little bit when she said Petrozza’s sandwich looked like a “heart attack dipped in a stroke with a side of cardiac arrest.” My boyfriend to the TV: “That’s what it’s supposed to be!” I think he was drooling at the time.

Cooking time is over and it’s time to see who’s coming to lunch. I have no idea who it could be—and I never could have guessed that it’s a group of 80 pregnant ladies. I don’t really get the point of this, but it’s hilarious. Jen’s excited because pregnant ladies will pretty much eat anything. She’s totally right about that. I don’t even eat meat, but if I were in that room, I would be very, very excited.

Oooh, guess who just made it onto my shit list? Corey. Corey who is convinced that she has the ability to use her sexuality to her advantage, despite no supporting evidence, interviews that this is the worst challenge ever. Not because she’s unprepared, but because instead of men, the customers were “bitchy pregnant women.” As far as this bitchy pregnant woman is concerned, you can suck it, blondie. Team Christina!

After lunch, all of the votes are tabulated and Ramsay tells the chefs the results. It may be just me, but he definitely looks like he’s trying not to laugh when he informs Corey that she came in dead last. In third place, unsurprisingly, is Jen’s grouper. It’s down to Christina and Petrozza, and only two votes separate the winner. Christina’s sandwich ends up taking the win. For her reward, Ramsay is taking her shopping in Beverly Hills. Meanwhile, the losers get to spend the day cleaning the dining room.

So this prize is really weird to me. Ramsay takes her in a limo to the Lisa Kline store, where Lisa herself is waiting to dress her. It’s all very Pretty Woman and weird and what would they have done if Petrozza had won? Did Petrozza win? Is this a conspiracy? Dun dun DUN! It keeps on getting awkward when Christina does a fashion show for Ramsay and he tells her to shake out her hair and take off her glasses. What the hell is this? Did they base this reward on some kind of crazy Hell’s Kitchen fan fic?

Meanwhile, back at Hell’s Kitchen, Jen and Corey are whining about how they should have gotten the prize because they have more fashion sense than Christina. Now I know we don’t see them out of their chef’s uniforms very often, but I see zero evidence of this fact.

Dinner service gets off to a good start with Jen making “stunning” risotto and Ramsay proclaiming it “the best start they’d ever had.” Things quickly take a turn for the worse, when the next risotto that Jen sends out has mushed rice. The rest of the appetizers get sent out, and they move onto entrees. Then--disaster strikes!

Okay, maybe not disaster, but Christina brings a very hot pan up to the front and neglects to tell Ramsay that the handle has been over the flame, so he grabs it and burns the crap out of his hand. Oh no. Inflicting bodily injury on a potential employer is never a good sign. So what can be worse than that? The fact that she does it again almost immediately. It’s unbelievable. What’s even more unbelievable is that he doesn’t kick her right out. I guess he really liked it when she shook her hair out for him earlier.

Despite the maiming, dinner service chugs along with only a few problems. Jen is being bratty and not helping out her team, Corey tries to send out some undercooked fish (which promptly gets sent back) and Petrozza is still the pigpen of Hell’s Kitchen. Despite the mishaps, dinner service is completed in record time.

For the first time, the post-service meeting is actually nice. Ramsay is downright giddy when he tells them that this was their best service ever. The euphoria doesn’t last for long though, as Ramsay sends them upstairs to come to a consensus as to which two should be nominated for elimination. They all write two names down and Christina and Jen end up getting nominated.

At elimination, Christina tells Ramsay that Jen is the first nominee. Instead of Christina going up, Christina says that Corey is the second nominee. Why on earth did Corey agree to this? With Jen and Christina being nominated, Corey is guaranteed to be safe. Jen sucks and Christina maimed him! Why would she make herself vulnerable? In any case, it doesn’t matter, as Ramsay chooses Jen to leave. Even though this is a sad group, Corey, Petrozza and Christina make up the best final three this season could have. As I mentioned before, I’m completely over Corey. I run hot and cold with Christina, but Petrozza has kind of grown on me. However, there’s still no one that I’m really rooting for.

Next week: It’s a mystery guest—a good one, judging by their faces. Plus, each chef gets to play Executive chef. It doesn’t look like it goes well.