Well, it’s that time of year again. The freaking holiday season. And you’ve probably spent the past month or so either fully embracing the rash of Yuletide flicks or avoiding them like the plague. Whichever it is (and it's rarely in the middle) I’m here to present with a group of movies that honestly and truly represent what the holidays have become. Enjoy.
For sheer nausea inducement, needless flashing and randomized blinking effects we have to go for something like Tron. And not the fancy-pants remake. No, we need to go fullscale cheesy original. Please just do yourself a favor and check out the trailer for the original Tron. If you don’t feel like slogging through the whole 1980’s-we’re-just-figuring-computers-out thing, skip to about the 1:00 mark and take a look at what Christmas pretty much looks like. Rotating illuminated faces, random blinking lights, colors flying every which way, blinding flashes. This is like my white trash neighbor’s house but put on the big screen. Actually, I think he's the Master Control Program trying to recreate the Digital World.
And if you’re like me, after an experience like that, there’s just a teensy part of you that thinks back to Se7en and wishes you could just pull a Kevin Spacey/ John Doe on everyone to prove just how insanely our gift giving culture has spiraled out of control. I’m not saying it has to be an actual person (I’m not an animal, people), but sometimes you just need to throw Gwyneth’s head in a box, slap a bow on it and let everyone in your family know you’ll be organizing the Secret Santa next year. Christ it has to be better than going to Bed, Bath and Beyond.
And you, like The Shining‘s Jack Torrance, think all this familial work and no play is making you a dull boy. You gaze longingly at the weighted candlestick. Then at the firepoker. Then recall there's an axe in the garage and finally just settle on the simplicity of running everyone over with your car. But unlike Jack, you resist the urge because these people are your family and you love them damnit!
Leaving Las Vegas
Enter Leaving Las Vegas and the Ben Sanderson plan. And while I'm not advocating running off to Sin City, loading up the liver to the breaking point and shacking up with some hooker until sweet, sweet death finally comes for you, it probably is about time to break out the newly gifted Glenfiddich (that you effectively paid for) and try to forget the old bank account is three large lighter than at the beginning of December. Feel free to drink enough to get you through the rest of the week and into the New Year. Happy Holidays everyone!