The Expendables 3 Trailer Has Everything An Action Movie Fan Needs

By Gabe Toro 6 months agodiscussion comments
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If you love action movies, you'll probably get a kick out of this new (and improved!) The Expendables 3 trailer. Even if one were lukewarm about the earlier two films, this trailer is a laundry list of things you love about action movies. And, truthfully speaking, this one actually looks like a step up from the mundane first film and the moderately enjoyable second.

Obviously they're trying, for the first time in this series, to relate to a younger demographic. This initially seemed like a silly idea, given that these action heroes are old as dirt, and their fans are old enough to see an R-rated movie. But if the remixed songs on the soundtrack weren't a clue enough, there's a solid spotlight here on new members Kellen Lutz (who apparently performs a comically ridiculous motorcycle stunt) and Ronda Rousey (who smashes heads at a club in a dress). If this is too much youth for you, don't worry: old man Harrison Ford wheels in on his irritable ankles and looks properly annoyed.

The villain here is Mel Gibson's CONRAD STONEBANKS, which is a name that oddly only exists in ALL CAPS, and any lower case letters to type CONRAD STONEBANKS should be unacceptable and returned to sender. STONEBANKS gets to drop the immortal action line, "You should have killed me when you had the chance!" as the trailer reveals that apparently he and Sylvester Stallone's Barney Ross were instrumental in the start of the Expendables, er, program. Graduate program? Seminar? Retreat? Book Club?

Wonderfully, it appears as if Ross attempts to deny his old age and recruits this young team for a mission, only for STONEBANKS to kidnap the young bucks, forcing the original Expendables back into action. Way to reinforce the notion that the old dudes do it best, Stallone. How very... Sly of you. Fortunately, that crew includes Wesley Snipes, who even has the time to get into a knife-throwing competition with Jason Statham. Oh boy, this is going to be such a macho movie. It even brings back Terry Crews' Hale Caesar (god, these names) and his penchant for carrying around comically massive guns.

crews

Oh Terry Crews, are you ever not having a great time??

And those stunts! How about that? Some crazy stuff being pulled, including a few preposterous jumps that will make some viewers harken back to Stallone's Cliffhanger days. But it seems less about ego this time around, with the roll call saved for the end of the trailer, spotlighting the major roles going to Stallone, Statham, Antonio Banderas, Jet Li, Wesley Snipes and Dolph Lundgren. Sadly, the second credit card has actors like Crews and Randy Couture sharing space with Robert Davi (!) with the senior billing crowd ("and" "with") being Gibson, Ford and Arnold Schwarzenegger. Meanwhile, Bruce Willis sits at home, stewing.
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