We have a big week of flicks coming. And by "big" I mean there are a lot of crappy-looking films hitting the big screen. Hollywood is taking a quantity over quality approach this Friday as we zero in on the end of the summer season. This time we’ve got ninja turtles, French cuisine, tornadoes and dancing.
Just remember, I'm not reviewing these movies, but instead predicting where they'll end up on the Tomatometer. Let's take a look at what This Rotten Week has to offer.
Rotten Watch Prediction
Want some of that source material I’m talking about? Check out the trailer for Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles,
Well, I never thought we’d head back to the sewers for any hot turtle action, and yet here we are back in New York fighting Shredder and the Foot Clan. Oh boy. You excited? Me neither. Along the lines of The Smurfs, there are some bits of the Eighties (or earlier) cartoon canon we need not resurrect. This is one of them. The first TMNT all the way back in the 1990s was a stretch even to my ten-year-old brain., and though I can distinctly remember seeing TMNT 2 (Vanilla Ice and all) in the theaters, I don’t remember walking out of there thinking, "You know what we need? More of that!" And remember - I was only around ten. Though this film is definitely not intended for my demographic, and it isn’t made for critics (unless they are preteen), it just seems to me that some concepts should remain in the past. Radioactive, martial artist turtles and all. But again, the cartoon is back on the air, so what do I know?
Director Jonathan Liebesman (Battle: Los Angeles-35%) is helping bring TMNT back into the collective consciousness beyond the Nickelodeon-revived cartoon. Putting the quartet (with a little Splinter add-on) back up there on the big screen only serves to accentuate what a crazy idea the basic thought behind the franchise (chelonian black belts living below New York fight a dude covered in metal spikes) really is. This is me being a party-pooper. I just find the whole thing silly, in an innocent kind of way.
There is almost no possible way this scores well with critics - but again, I doubt that’s the goal. Instead it’s an educational piece, reintroducing a new generation to the arts. Enjoy kids. I learned a lot, and hopefully you will too.