Well 2012 is winding down and I don’t know about you but I’m sad to see it go. It’s been a good year. (So-so with the predictions, but me personally? I’m good.) We end the year with a buzz (of a chainsaw) as some kids head back down to Texas for a little reunion with Leatherface.
Just remember, I'm not reviewing these movies, but rather predicting where they'll end up on the Tomatometer. Let's take a look at what This Rotten Week has to offer.
Texas Chainsaw 3D
We’ve been through lazy horror movie writing with this recent fill in the blank strategy. Go back and check it out. It could have just been the first paragraph for Texas Chainsaw 3D. No one is reinventing the wheel with this new piece of garbage. No, instead I’d like to focus on the crew assembled to dump out this movie.
I imagine director John Luessenhop saying to himself, “Look, I’m an in demand guy. I’ve given the people classics like Takers (27%) and Lockdown (57%). For my next project I need to assemble a dream team.” So who does he go out and get? Writer Adam Marcus for starters. If you’re not a movie buff like me you may not have heard of the dude. His resume is nothing short of spectacular. For starters there’s 1993’s Jason Goes to Hell (27%). Then he takes an eight year “break” penning and preparing to direct Let it Snow (53%). Then it’s another sabbatical, this time for seven years, in order to prepare Conspiracy (only two reviews, one in which Richard Roeper claims “It’s beyond dreadful. It’s jaw-droppingly bad...”).
Of course Marcus comes with co-writer Debra Sullivan, and to pitch in on the story he picks up Stephen Suscoe--who knows his way around a horror with The Grudge one and two (40% and 10% respectively)-- and Kristen Elms (no real credits). Talk about Dream Team.
They’ve all united to continue the story of Leatherface and his completely inefficient, though no less effective, style of hacking folks to pieces with an American made Poulan 306a. And maybe they make it look like the chainsaw’s coming through the screen and tearing apart your theater mate? Go for it. Obviously, this movie will be terrible. It’s released in a down week, with a bad crew, in an overdone franchise and with all the horror conventions you’ve come to expect. The Rotten Watch for Texas Chainsaw 3D is