Yeah, yeah yeah, "I told ya so" right? Ok I get it I tried I failed I got back on the horse again. Who knows maybe this should become a monthy feature, I might not screw up as much, anyway on with the show ...

Trailer Stash

It used to be you just got a teaser trailer and a final trailer and that made my life easy. 2005, however, seems to be the year when studios compete to see how many different trailers they can release for the one movie, without actually just showing you the damn thing in thirty 3 minute segments. Worst offenders this year must go to our big four - Star Wars, Batman, The Island and War of the Worlds. I swear there are so many different trailers now it's hard to keep track. There's the teaser trailer, the second teaser trailer, the TV spot teaser, the international teaser, the domestic trailers A, B and C, the international trailers A, B and C and then the final trailer and final international trailer and maybe even the final Czechoslovakian trailer if you look hard enough. Give us a break man, half of them are almost exactly the same trailer with an extra split second shot of something "cool" anyhow. Stop giving editing interns pointless jobs, pick a good trailer and stick with it.

Email me with your "home-made final trailers"

Coming soon to a theatre near you...


A History of Violence
Released: 30th September 2005

David Cronenberg was one of the biggest horror directors of the late 70s and 80s. While studios were pushing their latest entries in their showpiece franchises, Cronenberg was churning out grisly but intelligently written horror tales that were largely shunned at the time in favour of their cheap slasher cousins. These days, Cronenberg is branchining out into more dramatic works, like the quietly creepy Spider and now this, a story of the early days of Aragorn when he found himself down on his luck and making ends meet in a small town coffee shop. Hi-jinks ensue.

Click here to enrage the NRA...

War of the Worlds
Released: 29th June 2005

Well I suppose they couldn't just keep showing pictures of the dirty muppet and the scientology wacko cowering in fear as the overpass topples over, so inevitably we've now got trailers which show hints of tripods and aliens. That said, they're upped the ante now showing just enough to keep you interested while adding a bigger sense of the scale of the movie. Between this and Batman, it's gonna be a great summer.

Click here to let Ron Hubbard in your life...

The Island
Released: 29th July 2005

I have to say I've never seen more than about 25 minutes of Pearl Harbour, that was enough for me. Then Bad Boys II came along which replaced most of what made the original work with fancy editing and overblown set pieces. Needless to say, I've lost a lot of respect for Mr Michael Bay over the last few years, though I can't help but feel guiltily excited about The Island with it's slo-mo, smashes, over stylised shots and sexay leads. Just hope it lives up to the hype and isn't just another over-edited ego-trip.

Click here to see The Island UK style...
Click here to see how they do it Internationally

Released: 22nd July 2005 (NY, LA)

Amazingly, most of the cast of Friends do actually still have careers. David Schwimmer is doing theatre when not depressing everyone with his bleak world views. Jennifer Aniston has started to prove she can act in between divorce hearings. Lisa Kudrow is toeing the self-referential line by producing a sitcom about an ex-sitcom star trying to revive her career. Matt LeBlanc is still Joey. Matthew Perry would probably have a career if he could stay out of rehab. And Courteney Cox is taking the same route as Jennifer. After starring in some truly awful movies, she's looking to the indie world to prove her acting chops. Psychological thrills on DV abound...

Click here to watch The One Where Monica Sees Jacobs Ladder...

Released: Fall 2005

Guy Ritchie returns. After the disaster that was Swept Away, Mr Madonna made the only move possible to salavage his career - moving back to doing another gangster movie. Nothing says one trick pony like 3 movies out of 4 about UK gangsters, no matter which Hollywood stars you might get to make an appearance. I'm starting to think Ritchie is the UK's less incisive, less intelligent answer to Kevin Smith - a man who knows how to do one thing and one thing only and the idea of trying something new or interesting terrifies him out of actually doing it.

Click here to watch stylized British violence (again)...

Released: 5th August 2005 (NY, LA)

If you can work out what this futuristic Hong Kong noodler is all about, you're doing better than me. Apparently it's a sequel to director Kar Wai Wong's "In The Mood For Love" which I'm sure nobody outside of NY or LA saw. However "critics raved" about this follow up, so it must be good. I'd be more interested if the trailer made sense, but for now I'll just enjoy it's soundtrack.

Click here to save be confused by futuristic prohibition Japan...

Released: 10th June 2005 (SF)

Poor Ronald isn't getting an easy time of it these days, what with Super Size Me winning awards and now this - a documentary following two Brits' 10 year battle with McDonalds who sued them for libel, leaving them penniless and destitute as they fought to defend their right to free speech in the face of the might of a multinational's legal stranglehold. Interesting stuff, or just more proof that anyone with a camcorder can make a documentary - you decide.

Click here to munch some burger...

That's you're lot for now. I wish I could guarantee you'll see me this time next week, but we'll just have to wait and see.

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