The Friar’s Club hosted Quentin Tarantino this week and, for some reason, unlike their roasts of completely uninteresting people, this one won’t be televised. It’s a shame, in particular, because Uma Thurman was there and according to the alcoholics at Film Drunk her affectionate rant against the Kill Bill director was nothing short of glorious.

They have a full report from the roast, but in particular check out their transcription of Uma Thurman’s hilariously angry toast of Quentin, during which she took off her shoes (referencing his rumored foot fetish), filled them with wine, and then let him take a drink:

Throughout our long and glorious — and inglourious — relationship, we’ve had our ups and downs, but for now I’ll just focus on Kill Bill. Deep in the desert, late one night around four am, for once my phone accidentally went off [during a take]. And Quentin screamed, as he does, ‘Whose phone is that!? Whoever’s phone that is is dead!’ And I said, from the dirt pile I was half buried under, ‘That was my phone, actually, so leave the crew alone.’ And he said ‘You let your phone go off one more time and I’ll make you regret the day you ever started acting!’ And I screamed back, ‘That happened a long time ago, motherf**ker!’

And from there, we had some more ups and downs. Towards the end, we were sitting in Quentin’s office during a particularly grueling moment of shooting, and I irritated him somehow. And he said, ‘You do that one more time and, next time we work together, I’m gonna write ‘Bitch’ on the back of your chair!’ And I said, ‘Honey, next time we work together, you might as well write ‘idiot’ on the back of my chair.

I believe every word. Now get back to fighting with each other and bring us Kill Bill vol. 3.