I love covering Jean-Claude Van Damme stories. Not because I want to see him anything, but because the mere thought of him being in anything is pretty hilarious. When did Van Damme go from Belgium’s number one ass-kicking national treasure to international joke? Probably around the time of Street Fighter. Videogame movies are great for ruining careers.

The latest on Van Damme is that he’s going to try and get in on the whole supernatural thriller craze. Moviehole says he’s starring in a movie called Holy Blood. It’s supposed to be about the occult and supernatural, but not necessarily a horror movie. Like you, I have no idea what that means. I picture Van Damme in some sort of black turtle-neck doing his best impression of David Duchovny.

If Jean-Claude really wants his career back, he’ll have to kill The Rock, Vin Diesel, Jackie Chan, Chuck Norris, Jet Li, Karl Urban, Jason Statham and Sly Stallone first. There has to be some way to set up that cage match. Come on Hollywood, let’s give Van Damme a shot.