Meredith is still going ahead with the therapy thing. She’s looking for therapy tools to help her stop fantasizing about Derek. The therapist earns her money by suggesting that Meredith use a little tool called reality, because right now, the reality is Derek is with Rose. This reality tool is necessary because Meredith and Derek are about to meet their fifth clinical trial patient. There have been three since bear attack tumor guy and they’ve all died. Lucky number 5 is a soldier who did two tours of duty in Afghanistan.

We’re about three minutes in and there are already all sorts of love life entanglements. Callie and Sloan are doing the nasty in the on call room. I’m going to just assume that they haven’t been in there since they left Joe’s together, mainly because Callie’s hair and makeup are remarkably intact. While they're having fun, Cristina finds out that Burke has won a prestigious award. I’m pretty sure that the picture of him used for the newspaper article is a promo picture from Grey’s first season, which is kind of funny. Meanwhile, Alex is in nesting mode. He asks Izzie to ask Meredith if Ava can move in for a little while, while they look for an apartment. He says that since Ava’s knocked up, she’s leaving her husband and they’re moving in together. Talk about a 180 from last week’s episode.

Sloan has to sign a love contract! Just like Michael Scott! Basically, the fact that he’s slept with every female on staff at Seattle Grace has led the hospital to take aggressive measures to protect itself. So now, if any member of the staff is having sexual relations with another employee, they have to sign a love contract. I really would have thought this would have come about after that hospital-wide syphilis outbreak, but I guess better late than never, right?

So you know what’s creepy? Singing to a corpse. You know what’s creepier? Singing “Like a Virgin” to a corpse as you’re cutting its heart out. Guess what Cristina does after finding out about Burke’s award? I’ll give you a hint—it doesn’t involve calmly and rationally going about her day.

The Chief is adorable. I just want to say that. His wife Adele comes back, but this time in a professional capacity. She’s representing the nurses who are boycotting Sloan. He’s thrown off by her reentrance into the workforce and tries to convince her that he’s changed as well. He tells her that he’s spending more time at home, which of course, she doesn’t believe. He assures her that he’s delegating though, and has hired a personal intern—“the chief’s intern.” He hasn’t of course, but he tracks George down and offers him the made-up job.

What’s the one thing that everyone loves more than gay cowboys? Gay soldiers, of course. The war buddy who came to visit Meredith and Derek’s clinical trial patient is actually his lover. They start making out in front of Meredith, who very unsubtly stares at them with her mouth open and lust in her eyes. Then the patient’s dad walks in, so—awkward.

Sloan’s trying to combat the nurses’ boycott against him by finding someone to tell them that he’s a good guy. Predictably, it’s not going well. First he tries Callie, but she’s with Hahn, who’s acting crazy-jealous and possessive, causing Callie to just hem and haw and giggle a bunch. He tries Rose next, since she’s “one of them” and is dating his best friend. She turns him down and he tells her that he hates women like her. Basically he’s accusing her of not sleeping with Derek because she’s afraid that once she gives it up he’ll lose interest. In general, this is pretty offensive, but in this particular scene, I find it completely hilarious for some reason.

Maybe this is why I find it so funny: I kind of hate Rose. Not only does she take Sloan’s accusation to heart and decide to jump in the sack with Derek right away, but the first thing she does is seek out George to get a form to fill out in anticipation. Not only that, she does it right in front of Meredith. Rose is kind of a jerk.

But speaking of jerks, Alex fills out his form and George notices that he leaves Lexie off. Alex replies, “oh yeah, I forgot,” and pencils her name in—with Lexie sitting right next to him. It’s really funny. Now, the fact that I found that hilarious and thought Rose was being a jerk probably means that I’m actually the jerk in this situation. But whatever. I’m too tired to analyze myself via Grey’s Anatomy.

Back to the love contracts. Bailey is pissed. Not because she disagrees with filling them out, but because the Chief singled her out of everyone in the entire hospital as the one person who doesn’t have to fill out the form. She points out that she’s a single woman and is perfectly capable of interesting someone of the opposite sex. Adele agrees with her and says that the Chief singling her out was harassment. Bailey gets really upset about this and ends up hitting him on the shoulder while crying, “Shame on you!” It’s pretty great.

The Chief isn’t the only one feeling a lack of love at the moment. Hahn confronts Callie about ditching her for Sloan and being one of those girls who gets “all poofy” when she has a boyfriend. Derek starts making googly eyes at Meredith and offers to stay the night with her at the hospital to monitor their patient’s intercranial pressure (sexy!) but she tells him to go be with Rose. Callie goes to pick up Sloan for sex, but he says he’s not in the mood. She says he’s useless and leaves. George finally realizes that the Chief is just using him to get back together with his wife, so he quits his fake job. The Chief tells him that he wants it to be a real job, so they make up.

Things take a turn for the worst down on patient alley. The soldier’s boyfriend stands up to the father and demands to be a part of things, only to find out that the soldier just died. Alex ended up saving bubble mom’s life, but the chance that she was exposed to an infection was too great, so she can’t get the heart that they have for her. She’s on the top of the list still, but has to stay in isolation until they can find another one.

Cristina has a really nice scene here. The Chief calls her in because she hasn’t filled out her form. She puts her relationship with Dr. Burke on paper and finally has her breakdown. She talks about how when he had his tremor she was his hand. She nursed him back to health and took care of his ego. Now he’s winning awards and she can’t even hold a clamp. It’s obvious Emmy bait, but this show does that pretty well.

At the end of the episode, things start looking up. Adele starts to believe that maybe the Chief has changed—and they end up in bed together. Bailey swoops in and saves the day for Sloan, giving the nurses some awesome advice: Close your knees, stop crying over him and get back to saving people. Meredith’s therapist also cuts through the crap and tells her that the fact that Derek is with Rose is stupid and due to cowardice. Well played, therapist lady.

Next week: Izzie and Alex are still fighting and Sloan resolves to quit being a whore. As Callie said, “ew.”

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