Subscribe To Half-Life 3 Trailer Created By Fan To Torment You Updates

Half-Life 3 probably won't be announced until the year 2534, after Mecha-GabeNewell conquers the Earth with an army of sentient companion cubes and hooks up the human survivors to a neural Steam network. However, one fan has created a Half-Life 3 trailer to let us imagine what a human-developed version of the game would be like.

"There are three things we all have to do in life," says a male voiceover, possibly from Gordon Freeman. "One, dream. Two, act and try to achieve it. Three, succeed or die trying."

Not to nit-pick the work of any devoted fan, but that's a pretty inaccurate piece of voiceover. There are actually three things we all have to do in life:
  • Stop thinking about Half-Life 3. Otherwise, every other game you play while waiting will feel like you're playing Forklift Simulator 2K10 with a controller made of razor-sharp, flaming dicks.
  • Not make Gordon Freeman speak, even in fan-made trailers. His buzzsaw-flinging gravity gun does all the talking.
  • Eat a snack before you write a HL3 article because otherwise you come off kind of loopy.
The visuals of the trailer are pretty spot-on, though. We see Gordon Freeman and Alyx Vance in a snowy environment. They leave their crashed helicopter behind and then head into a mysterious building. The last image is of Freeman confronting a GLaDOS-like robot hanging from the structure's ceiling. The last moments of Half-Life 2: Episode Two gave us reason to believe that HL3 would feature both an Aperture Science tie-in and arctic setting. The rumored concept art reaffirmed that.

Very little has been confirmed about Half-Life 3. One of the many rumors swirling around about the game suggests that it's an open-world experience with RPG elements. Valve has avoided announcing anything about it, though. For all we know, it's a Kinect-driven match-three game. Valve boss Gabe Newell said last year that they don't want to talk about their games too far in advance. Otherwise, they'll run the risk of frustrating or misleading fans.

"The problem is, we think that the twists and turns that we're going through would probably drive people more crazy than just being silent about it, until we can be very crisp about what's happening next," Newell said at the time.

While I'd love to play Half-Life 3, I'm sort of enjoying this information-less void that we're floating around in. The information black-out resulted in some very creative rumors. Every time Valve announces a patch for Dota 2 or someone makes a t-shirt or Newell plays in a golf tournament, there's at least one site claiming that it's all an elaborate alternate reality game for Half-Life 3. "Oh shit, Gabe's swinging a three-iron in that picture. YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE HAS A THREE IN IT?!"

Stop thinking about Half-Life 3. In fact, don't even talk to men with physics degrees or goatees. It's just going to end in pain. I say this as someone concerned with your sanity, Internet. Or maybe I'm just part of an elaborate ARG run by Valve. I'm not even sure anymore.

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