It's here. After years of teasing and tons of hype, Reef Entertainment and Teyon have finally unleashed the war machine beast onto the masses. What am I talking about? I'm talking about Rambo: The Video Game.

The on-rails, quick-time-event shooter – that's right, they combined the two genres where gamers don't really get any control or actual playability and put them together for the ultimate lack of control – brings gamers a combination of all of Rambo's exploits from First Blood up to Rambo III, giving gamers all the bloodied and knife-wielding, bow-shooting action you could possibly not ask for, on the PS4, Xbox 360 and PC.

As mentioned in the press release...
“Locked and loaded with the trademark Rambo arsenal of weapons, you battle through the boss showdowns and take-downs from the films - everything from Rambo’s evading the police in First Blood, to his single, explosive bow strike on Lieutenant Tay in Rambo First Blood Part II, and on to his shredding Russian helicopters with the DShK 12.7mm Heavy Machine Gun in Rambo III.“

Thankfully, the press release isn't the only one with memorable quotes for the game. A slew of reviews have come in like a cavalcade of negativity and they say practically everything you would expect them to say.

God is a Geek rolled out their review, and even being provided with a review code didn't stop them from laying into the game like Joey Buttafuoco laying thick into Amy Fisher, writing...
“There’s no getting around the fact that on-rails shooters just feel restrictive, and Rambo is a score-attack game that’s gotten a bit lost in time. Get it on PS3 and invite a friend round to play with you.”

That's an encouraging bit of disparagement right there.

Other reviews seem to mirror God is a Geek, insofar that the game seems to provide players with the exact kind of gameplay expectations most people had of it: it's a low-budget, B-movie quality rail-shooter.

EDGE Online sums up the Rambo experience as thus...
“It’s not, by any traditional criteria, a good game, and yet it’s a frequently entertaining one. Its limitations may ultimately be its undoing, and yet they’re also responsible for moments of hilarity. Failing a QTE is almost a guarantee of unintentional comedy: enemies spraying bullets haphazardly will suddenly turn into crackshots, while a bizarre moment where a cop repeatedly punches Rambo in the face is one step away from a Zucker and Abrahams parody. It’s a B-movie game in every sense, but approach it with sufficiently lowered expectations, and you may just be pleasantly surprised.”

For Rambo fans, I'm almost tempted to say that you can't really ask for much more than that... from a rail-shooter parsed with QTE moments.

Eurogamer lays down a few more criticisms and explanations of the game's mechanics (or lack thereof), comparing the the on-rail shooter to many other (successful) franchises that have managed to carve out a niche of originality all their own, writing...
“There's a Time Crisis-style cover system, a Sniper Elite killcam and the Gears of War active reload gets dusted off for good measure, offering double ammo for good timing. Rambo also builds up a "wrath" meter with every kill. Once triggered, time slows down, ammo never runs dry, enemies are highlighted in orange and everyone you kill restores a big chunk of your health. All solid enough ideas, but none that Rambo can claim as his own.”

Eurogamer, much like Edge before them, and Dealspwn after them, scored the game an unimpressive 5 out of 10. God is a Geek went a little lower with 4 out of 10, but it's a point off from what's mostly deemed as a truly enjoyable, mediocre experience of epically bad entertainment.

I don't think there's enough Doritos or Mountain Dew that Reef could have sent out to bump the score up to at least a 7. Oh well, maybe next time. Perhaps, Braddock: Missing In Action: The Video Game?

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