Trainspotting Hits So Much Differently As A Parent, And I'm Not Okay

One thing I’ve always loved about Trainspotting is that even though Danny Boyle includes the sequence of the main characters running from the cops twice, the scenes are vastly different from one another. In the opening seconds of the film, Ewan McGregor’s addict, Renton, is running with Iggy Pop’s “Lust for Life” playing in the background, along with his philosophy on life. The second time, however, is less cheery and instead is heavier, having taken place immediately after one of the film’s most depressing scenes.

I mention this dichotomy because it best represents the experience I had upon revisiting one of the best ‘90s movies for the first time as a parent. Trainspotting hits so much differently as an adult with children of my own. Yeah, it’s mostly because of that one harrowing scene everyone always talks about, but that’s only part of it. Let me explain…

Baby Dawn’s Death Is Even More Gut-Wrenching

The death of Baby Dawn, the infant daughter of heroin addicts Allison (Susan Vidler) and Sick Boy (Jonny Lee Miller), is hands down one of the most gut-wrenching moments ever caught on film. I mean, in the 30 years since this movie came out, I can only think of two moments in the same ballpark: the house burning down in Manchester by the Sea and the death of William Shakespeare’s son in Hamnet.

This scene (along with the dream sequence later on) was always one I dreaded whenever sharing one of my favorite movies with friends or a girlfriend back in high school, but it was something I got through relatively unscathed. I couldn’t relate to the parents’ pain on screen, so the impact wasn’t as strong at the time. It was a completely different story, as I was imagining my own children dying in a crib as a result of mistakes I made.

This brings me to my next point…

This Is A Movie About Collateral Damage, And This Scene Illustrates That Point

One thing I’ve always taken away from Trainspotting is that, at its core, it’s a movie about collateral damage. The death of Baby Dawn, which had a massive impact on the lives of not only her grieving parents but also others in their orbit, was a result of a mom and dad being more concerned about getting their next fix than their infant daughter. Sure, it’s never made clear whether the baby died of malnutrition or SIDS, but Mother Superior’s drug den is no place for a baby.

As you can tell by now, this scene has stuck with me since last watching Trainspotting, and it’s a feeling I don’t think I’ll shake anytime soon. It has led me to think about my past mistakes, situations where I’ve put myself before others, and decisions that could have cost someone dearly. The movie keeps going, but I’m still stuck there in that den with grieving parents trying to make sense of the mess they’ve made.

Don’t get me wrong, I still think Trainspotting is a tremendous movie, one that not only launched some major careers but also gave us some of the most impactful moments of the past 30 years. It’s worth a rewatch, if you can handle it.