At some point or another, you’ve been mean mugged before. Whether by some bitch who is intimidated by your hotness, by some asshole who wants to step outside and throw down because he saw you making a different kind of eye at his girlfriend or maybe by your wife because you took a nap instead of going to the grocery store, you’ve been victimized by someone who has attempted to punch you in the face with their eyes. For at least a few seconds, you probably were a bit offended and caught off guard, but the good news is you survived. You weathered that eyeball hate tornado and emerged a stronger, fiercer person, now more capable than ever of continuing to be you, regardless of who might have a problem with it.
That deserves a celebratory high five, depending on what time of day it is, a celebratory Mike’s Hard Lemonade and most especially, a few words of warning. You may have crossed paths with the biggest bitch in your town and won that ocular faceoff, but there are others out there who aren’t worth messing with. There are some who are more than capable of ruining your entire day with one intimidating gaze that will corrupt your self-esteem and maybe even some of your vital organs.
Want examples? Let’s start with these fifteen movie characters who could make the devil piss himself with one glance of the eyes…
Tinker Bell From Disney’s Peter Pan
Disney may have taken Tink in a much happier and friendly direction with all these recent straight-to-DVD fairy movies, but the truth is she’s got more than her share of anger to her in the original 1953 animated film. She despises Wendy with a passion and even schemes to have her killed. The whole assassination plot doesn’t work out, but judging by those piercing eyes seen above, she’s more than capable of making you question everything you just did with one vicious glance.
Kimmy Jin From Pitch Perfect
I have no idea what happened to Kimmy Jin during her childhood that turned her into a mean mugging machine, but if those eyes weren’t enough of a clue, let me spell it out for you: she does not want to be your friend. She doesn’t like it when you have people in the room, and she has no interest in listening to your bullshit stories. Pitch Perfect’s angriest character is gonna hang out on her half of the room. You can hang out on your half, and if you do something wrong, she will slit your throat with the invisible lasers that shoot out of her eyeballs.
Jabba The Hutt From Return Of The Jedi
Jabba The Hutt is an ugly, scaly bastard. He looks like the morbidly obese product of toad and basilisk sex, but neither of us would ever tell him that because he’s not the type of dude you can get honest with. He doesn’t take kindly to strangers trying to impair his flow, and no one in the entire world takes kindly to his mean mug. Look at those eyes. They’re sharp enough to devein shrimp, and more importantly, they’re certainly not the type of back down.
Loki From Thor/ The Avengers
You know that kid in sixth grade who never seems to be in an average mood? That’s Loki. At any given time, he’s either laughing or brooding or staring someone down with a mean mug that could force mere mortals into long periods of Odinsleep. Just one time, I would like to see him go with the flow and react with the correct amount of emotion to a situation. Just once, I’d like to see him say, "Ahhh, no big deal." Unfortunately, I’m not sure that will ever happen; so, if I were you, I’d make sure not to cut him off in traffic and/ or show up at any parties with outfits he could have also chosen to wear.
Mavis Gary From Young Adult
You see this mean mug from Mavis Gary? It’s not even over anything important. She got caught in a stupid lie about a dog. Ordinary run of the mill bitches wouldn’t feel the need to crank their facial aggression up to an eleven over something so stupid, but that’s just Mavis’ immediate go-to in any situation. You got there just in front of her in the Macy’s line? That face. You stole her parking spot? That face. You stole the man of her dreams? That face for just a little bit longer. There is no slight too small for this young adult to use her judgmental eyes in response to.
Cruella de Vil From 101 Dalmatians
With all due respect to those horrifying anti-smoking commercials involving people with holes in their neck, there’s no one single person who has ever made nicotine less appealing than Cruella de Vil. She’s one of the most hideous and hard-hearted human beings ever conceived, and as such, she boasts a mean mug every bit as petrifying and cancerous as anyone else on this list. I mean for the love of fur coats, look at that stink eye she’s putting out into the world in the above picture. It’s enough to terrorize your dreams for months.
Elaine Miller From Almost Famous
The other people on this list actually need to be looking at you to give you the heebie jeebies. Not Elaine Miller. Her mean mug is so powerful that Russell Hammond feels it through the phone during their conversation. Later, he gets it in person too when he mistakenly shows up at William’s house and is forced to get the full-on visual wrath of this pissed off mother/ college professor who doesn’t take kindly to people crossing her son and/ or not behaving like human beings of substance. She’s well aware of the message she can send with her eyes, and Elaine isn’t exactly the type of woman to ever miss a chance to deliver a message.
Jules Winnfield From Pulp Fiction
There’s not any recommendation I can give you for what to do if Jules hits you with this look. None. This isn’t a "Don’t Cross The Line" look. This is a "You Motherfucking Crossed That Line Already" look. You know how they say, "That’s a face only a mother could love." Well, that mean mug would scare the shit out of Jules’ mother. She would not love that at all. In fact, I’m not even sure she or any of the rest of us could survive it. There’s no reasoning with it. All you can hope for is that he’s made up his mind to break one of your legs, not snap your neck.
Mona Lisa Vito From My Cousin Vinny
Mona Lisa and her longtime fiancé Vinny like to fight. At the drop of the hat, they will throw the most aggressive and offensive slanders at one another. Sometimes, these arguments lead to sex or solved cases. More often, they lead to Mona Lisa concluding the festivities by reaching deep into her soul and pulling out the mean mug evidenced in the above picture. There’s no one-up for that, only the realization that if you don’t get your act together immediately, you will be couching it for days, maybe even weeks.
Kat Stratford From 10 Things I Hate About You
Kat has a lot of anger thanks to her mother leaving, her sister being kind of a prissy dumbass, Joey Donner taking her v-card, her dad hating on Sarah Lawrence and random dudes trying to get all up in her space. That toxic pool of aggression leads to her throwing out a ton of mean mugs—like the one seen above. With enough patience, the right guy can transform many of those furious faces into happy smiles, but even so, there’s no way a girl this talented at scaring people with her face would ever completely discard that weapon. It’s too valuable.
Hilly Holbrook From The Help
There are a lot of women with scarier faces than that on this list, but the fact that Hilly’s brings with it issues of race and class takes it over that next hump. She’s not necessarily mean mugging people because they’ve done anything to her. She very well could be mean mugging them because they’re not following her expectations of how they should behave, which is all kinds of icky and uncomfortable. Once upon a time, women like this in the south were probably a dime a dozen. Thankfully, most have gotten with the times and now mean mug for more conventional reasons like other women wearing skirts of questionable length or someone choosing to make the same dessert for a potluck dinner.
Veruca Salt From Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory
With tiny arms and an inability to generate much force on her kicks, Veruca isn’t physically intimidating. In fact, even the weaker among us could probably lay her out with one punch, but force isn’t exactly what you should be worried about with her. That look pictured above doesn’t imply right hands are coming. Instad, it implies a shit fit temper tantrum unlike the world has ever seen is about to reign down on every single human being in a ten block radius if she’s not given her way immediately. Hell hath no fury like an improperly parented little girl who doesn’t get her way.
Machete From Machete
Machete’s mean mug is animalistic more than it is contrived. He’s not intentionally making that face as much as he’s so angry deep inside his stomach about whatever is going on that it can’t help but scowl across his grizzled mug. There’s no point to be proven or warning to be sent. He’s pissed and rather than cause emotional destruction, he’s more than content to rectify his face by killing those who have wronged him. Just get out of his way.
The Queen From Snow White
I’m not sure the Queen’s face does anything other than mean mug. Seriously. Type in "The Queen Snow White" into Google. Every single face is more hideous than the last. It’s like a flip book in which her gaze is slowly contorting to become more comically monstrous. Even worse, most of those faces are about another girl being younger and prettier than her, which, on a big list of reasons to mean mug, has to be near the bottom. It’s a half-step below someone else cracked the crème brule already.
Mama Fratelli From The Goonies
Haggard. Angry. Reprehensible. Mama Fratelli is a pretty loathsome human being, particularly because she takes the time to actually mean mug children mid-assault. Look at that picture. She could have chosen to give him the eyes from a distance. She could have chosen to attack. Instead, she attacked and paused to give him that wicked eye. That’s straight up maleficent, and it’s more than enough to earn her the hammer here on the mean mugs list.
Think we missed someone? Disagree? Let us know by yelling at us in the comment section below...
Enthusiastic about Clue, case-of-the-week mysteries, the NBA and cookies at Disney World. Less enthusiastic about the pricing structure of cable, loud noises and Tuesdays.
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