What you're about to read is the first entry into Cinema Blend's new weekly series in which we answer the random movie-related grey area questions you've always wondered about. This week, we're tackling how not to be a complete dick when you go to the cinema.
How Many Seats Is It Okay To Save At The Movies?
At some point or another, we’ve all made our way into a crowded movie theater, spotted a handful of empty beauties about halfway up the back portion and excitedly rushed toward them, only to hear, "These are taken." It’s a frustrating cockblock on the same level as stubbing your toe or overhearing something mildly offensive when walking into a room. Depending on the situation, it could also be a serious faux pas on the seat saver because while there aren’t firm rules on the subject, there are common sense ones the best among us follow.
The number of seats one can properly save at the movie theater is entirely related to the number of people in your party who are already present at the time you wish to do the saving. So, let’s do a little math. If you’re at the theater with your brother Darryl and your other brother Darryl, you can collectively save four seats. If you’re at the theater with your crazy cousin Shoshanna, the two of you can save three seats. Just count the number of people you’re with and add one to that number. Why? Because you cannot save any seat your ass does not butt up next to.
Let me hit you with this handy graphic I just made with my sweet Photoshop skills…
I know you’d like to save more seats than that. I know you’d like to play dead alongside two of your buddies in plank position across a cushy row about three quarters of the way up so nine of your friends can stroll in one minute before the film’s runtime to mooch off the hard work you did by showing up way the fuck early, but if half of your party can’t bother to stroll in early enough to camp out in a proper location, you guys needs to be a) split up, b) forced to sit in the front row or c) required to give a lengthy speech to everyone in the audience about why leaving twenty minutes later than you did was a necessity because of the crazy important shit you were all doing. After all, I think I speak for every last human being on Earth when I say all of us who aren’t weirdos would rather spend an extra fifteen minutes in the comfort of our own homes when the other option is staring at advertisements for local dentists and answering bad trivia questions about which one of our favorite Friends starred in a 2002 film alongside Liz Hurley.
It was Matthew Perry.
So, the next time you’re at the movie theater and you see some girl with her purse on one seat, her wallet on another seat and her coat on a third seat, feel free to mean mug the shit out of her. Work that evil eye really hard in her direction or better yet, just flat out tell her she’s violating the +1 rule. Or God forbid, if you saunter into a theater and see one of your friends zealously guarding a pack of premium ass spaces without any help, be sure to tell him to tone down the dick-ness moving forward. You don't want to be associated with that.
Author Note:: If you have a question you would like answered, whether it involves a simple yes or no like "Should I see Gravity in 3D?" (Yes!), or is a whole lot more complicated like, "If Mr. Boddy was really just a butler working for Wadsworth the whole time, how come he’s able to come off like such a rich dick?" (He is a rich dick. The Miss Scarlett ending is correct), then feel free to send them along to [email protected] If your question is creative enough and interesting enough for me to write at least four paragraphs on it, I just may tackle it at some point in the future.