Good day, beheaders of all things obnoxiously pithy. It’s a beautiful day in the neighborhood, and just like Mr. Rogers, I’m changing my sweater. Only mind is red and green and smells like children dying in dreams. Plus, sweat. Not much make us sweat horror-wise in theaters right now, other than a smallish release for Brian Netto’s found-footage pregnancy thriller Delivery: The Beast Within. Real pregnancy is horrific enough, am I right, ladies?
In mini-news, Scream Factory is continuing on their endless line of amazing Blu-ray releases with The Legend of Hell House, which comes out on August 26th and features a new commentary with Pamela Franklin and a new interview with director John Hough. The Orchard and Shock Til You Drop’s self-explanatory documentary The 50 Best Horror Movies You’ve Never Seen hit VOD this past week. Finally, the hounds at Dread Central clued us into Aaron B. Koontz's fun short horror-comedy The El Chupugcabra (opens in new tab), in which a family adopts a pug and gets way more than they expected. Take 20 minutes out of your life and give it a watch below.
And now for something completely
Wrap Your Tentacles Around The Call Girl Of Cthulhu's NSFAnywhere Trailer
I think we can all agree that H.P. Lovecraft had a pretty active imagination. But even his great mind probably never considered his greatest creation, Cthulhu, would ever exist within the lady parts of a hooker. (Or maybe he did. Nudge, nudge.) Director Chris LaMartina and Midnight Crew Studios are unleashing the horror comedy Call Girl of Cthulhu on audiences later this year, and they’ve dropped a truly ridiculous trailer for it, which takes prosthetic gore into the next dimension.
In the Kickstarter-funded Call Girl of Cthulhu, an artist falls in love with a hooker who is the chosen bride of Lovecraft’s mythical god. An evil cult has come together to summon Cthulhu and ultimate destroy all mankind, so it’s up to the artist to stop them and save his woman. Expect a lot of tentacle-in-cheek humor for this one, and lots of squishy scenes that aren’t suitable for preschool graduations. Maybe the moral is never to fall in love with women of the night, or maybe it’s something else. We’ll see.
The Green Inferno Invites You To a Feast With First Full-Length Trailer
Ever thought about taking a trip to one of the most remote places on Earth? Be sure and lather yourself with barbecue first, as Eli Roth’s upcoming thriller The Green Inferno teaches us that there be cannibals in them thar woods. The first full-length trailer, seen above, is surprisingly light on the gross-out gore and begins downright peacefully, with a team of student activists joining together for a rainforest-saving trip to the Amazon. But it doesn’t take long for a harrowing plane crash to occur, followed by massive amounts of screaming.
Inspired by the notorious cult film Cannibal Holocaust, The Green Inferno centers on our eco-friendly gang trying to escape the vicious wrath of a vanishing tribe deep within the rainforest. If that which doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, then what happens when the something that lives in the thing you’re trying to save tries to kill you? Facepaint, rituals and bloodshed are ahead, obviously. Open Road Films will be releasing The Green Inferno on September 5th. Get your bibs ready.
The Purge Gets Real Thanks To The Purge: Breakout Viral Event
If you think the best way to anticipate a movie is to sit around and look at its IMDb page, you’re way off. Blumhouse Productions is currently taking its traveling The Purge: Anarchy haunted attraction, simply called The Purge: Breakout, and they’re whetting your fear-petite with the trailer seen above, which gives potential victims a pretty solid look at what can be expected. Try not to shit your pants, as this is a closed set.
The Purge: Breakout will have its players separated into groups and put inside a house trapped by a demented psychopath... with 30 minutes before the sirens wail and The Purge begins. Puzzles and spooky bastards in costume await your every screech and holler, and you have the comfort of knowing making it out alive just means you’ll have The Purge to look forward to. Go here for tickets, if you live in or around Miami, New York, Philadelphia, Chicago, Dallas or Los Angeles. But even if you can’t make it, you can follow Frank Grillo and Zach Gilford as they also try to stay alive when The Purge: Anarchy hits theaters on July 18.
Bobcat Goldthwait’s Bigfoot Thriller Willow Creek Claws Out New Trailer and Poster
I wish I had a dollar for everyone who watches the Willow Creek trailer seen above and says, "Well that’s just a Blair Witch ripoff." Not because I think that assessment is made in error, necessarily, but because it certainly looks to be the case. That said, Blair Witch was made by two completely unknown directors who had a solid concept without a real story, and Willow Creek is the fifth feature from the dark genius filmmaker Bobcat Goldthwait, who last gifted the world 2011’s hilarious satire God Bless America. By definition, that means this will be far more intelligent than any mere copycat thriller.
In Willow Creek, a Bigfoot fanatic (Bryce Johnson) goes out into a national forest with his skeptical girlfriend Kelly (Alexie Gilmore), who puts up with her boyfriend’s obsession for what she thinks will be a nice getaway. They visit the annual Bigfoot festival and soak up the local community’s reverence for the mythical beast. And then…they discover shit. "SOMEBODY’S OUTSIDE THE TENT!" Receiving decent critical acclaim following its festival run, Willow Creek will pit audiences against seldom-seen monsters when it hits VOD on June 6th.
Deliver Us From Evil Excises Posters And Source Material Documentary
With the decent Sinister and The Exorcism of Emily Rose listed on his filmmography, director Scott Derrickson has made an argument for himself as a filmmaker to watch out for. (The Day the Earth Stood Still remake is an argument against this but we try to forget that movie exists.) The demonic thriller Deliver Us From Evil looks like it could either be a wicked good time or just another overblown exorcism flick. Either way, that's a pretty effective poster seen above, playing up the ancient evil aspect and also (DEVIL) making me (DEVIL) think about the devil in some (DEVIL) way. Check out the other new one sheet below, in which Sony tries to sell the movie in every way possible.
In Deliver Us From Evil, Eric Bana plays a New York cop named Ralph Sarchie who has to rearrange his own belief system when teaming up with a priest (Edgar Ramirez) to investigate a series of possessions that are wreaking havoc on the city. Derrickson and Paul Harris Boardman based their screenplay on the 2001 nonfiction book Beware the Night, written by the real-life Sarchie, who apparently experienced something like what the film is portraying. Sony has also funded a short documentary titled Sarchie, in which the officer will share his files and recordings. You can watch a trailer for the doc below, and you can watch Deliver Us From Evil when it possesses theaters on July 2nd.
Nick is a Cajun Country native, and is often asked why he doesn't sound like that's the case. His love for his wife and daughters is almost equaled by his love of gasp-for-breath laughter and gasp-for-breath horror. A lifetime spent in the vicinity of a television screen led to his current dream job, as well as his knowledge of too many TV themes and ad jingles.
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