Did you know that Michael Jordan was originally cut from his high school basketball team? Thomas Edison's teachers said he was too stupid to ever learn anything? Albert Einstein was kicked out of school for being too slow? Henry Ford failed and went broke a couple of times before finally figuring out the Model-T? If you've seen some of my past predictions I think you get where I'm going with this. Genius doesn't happen overnight. I just need time to hone and focus it. This is the week I put it all on the line (read below) and finally get this process right.
Let's play a little movie horror MadLibs. Some mysterious _______ (virus, chemical, disease, monster, alien) is infecting the residents of some _______ (small town, city, school). At first things seem _______ (normal, okay, business as usual) until someone starts acting a little weird. Before you know it the _______ (small town, city, school) has a full blown problem on its hands. For some reason, the main character is _______ (immune, resistant, clear of, temporarily safe from) the _______ (virus, chemical, disease, monster, alien). The main character tries to tell everyone something is wrong, but _______ (it's too late, no believes him/her). The _______ (virus, chemical, disease, monster, alien) is running wild. It's up to the main character to survive _______ (on his/her own, with a small group of family or friends). Along the way his/her _______ (loved one, friend, pet) is infected and the main character must make a terrible choice. Eventually he/she finds the _______ (way to safety, cure, antidote) and everything is okay.
Sound familiar? Sure does because The Crazies comes out every year. Sometimes it's smart (the first half of 28 Days Later, Zombieland I guess). Usually it's stupid (just about everything else). In this case, Breck Eisner (Michael's son who I assume is in the business because daddy bankrolled his career) is just remaking the original from 1973. If this movie scores above 40% I'll take and post photos of me getting pelted with tomatoes in my backyard courtesy of poster OGPgriffins.
Kevin Smith is a fairly polarizing director. By polarizing I mean too fat to fit on airplanes. (I kid, I kid). Either you love him or hate him and there is very little room in between. (Like when he sits on an airplane. OK, I'll stop). I am on the positive side of the Smith aisle (Last one I swear). When I first saw the preview for Cop Out I immediately dismissed it because it looked like another worthless, buddy-cop comedy with a couple of actors looking for quick paydays. But then I saw Smith's name attached and had second thoughts. His movies are almost always positively reviewed (even when they tank at the box office) and this movie could surprise. I was also encouraged when I heard Smith put a good deal of his own money up to get the movie an "R" rating, always key with viewer credibility in these kinds of flicks; people, like me, love good old fashioned nudity and cursing.
Here's the thing with a movie like Cop Out. It has to be an almost perfect movie for this format to garner any real critical acclaim. Besides Men in Black (a whopping 91% Tomatometer, and had a sci-fi tilt to boot), none of the others of note (Bad Boys, Rush Hour, etc) have been any great winners among critics. Smith keeps critics fairly close to the middle here and I'm giving my first dead even RottenWatch, 50%.
Which Rotten movie will have the highest final Tomatometer score?
Let the bloodbath begin. If you are squeamish or blanch at goriness then I suggest you just stop here.
Shutter Island: Rotten Watch Prediction 90% | Actual 69%
I am determined to absolutely love this movie, and possibly make it my favorite of all-time, just so I can despise every critic that hated this thing. Josh, a man among critics, gave Shutter Island 4 ½ stars. How could so many other people hate it? I updated Rotten Tomatoes fifteen times a day and just shook my head in confusion as I watched the score drop and drop. Like I said, this Scorcese masterpiece is the best movie I have yet to see. I'm positive.
Ghost Writer: Rotten Watch Prediction 42% | Actual 78%
It would seem Roman Polansky still has it. Who knew? I sure didn't as I'm so far off here that I could lose all the credibility I've yet to earn. At least Katey Rich's review went on Tomatoes as rotten so Cinema Blend keeps it in the family.
Happy Tears: Rotten Watch Prediction 75% | Actual 36%
Another total embarrassment. Although, in my defense, this was just a total guess. Not really an excuse, but I'm going to use it anyway.