Will Smith Invades Iraq And Enslaves Jews

Beware Israelites! Will Smith is going to enslave the Jews. Variety says he’s finally gotten that ancient Egypt movie we told you about in March off the ground, and he’ll be Egypt’s Pharaoh.

The movie is called The Last Pharaoh, and Smith will play Pharaoh Taharq, the last Pharaoh of the Nubian Dynasty. I guess technically he had nothing to do with enslaving the Jews, that was before his time, but he did hang around on the pyramids built by the Jews, so doesn’t that make him some sort of collaborator? No?

Taharq wasn’t exactly all that successful as Pharaoh’s go. I base this observation on the fact that he was the last Pharaoh of the Nubian dynasty. Either that, or he was just so damn good they retired the title after his passing, fearing that no one else could be as good. Somehow I doubt it.

The film itself will focus specifically on Taharq’s battles with the ruler of Assyria, a guy named Esarhaddon, the most powerful Assyrian monarch. In modern times Assyria is Iraq, which sort of means Will Smith is invading Iraq, allowing me a fantastic story headline opportunity.

Josh Tyler