Scientists Think They Know How Hideous Giant Eyeball Washed Up On The Beach

News
By Mack Rawden
published

This morning, experts from the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission weighed in on the mystery eyeball that washed up on Pompano Beach last week, and sadly, they are siding with the most boring and middle of the road theory of them all. Apparently, the disgusting softball-sized monstrosity came from a swordfish, and it wasn’t even lost in a swordfish-on-swordfish brawl.

Go ahead and take a look at the hideous orb below…

According to MyFWC, the cuts around the eye are straight enough to indicate they were probably done by a human postmortem. Thus, the most likely scenario would be a fisherman caught a giant swordfish, gutted it, removed its eyes, tossed them back in the water and one washed up on Pompano Beach last Wednesday. That’s far less cool than the Giant Squid fight or the Cthulhu connection others have been proposing, but as Congressman Todd Akin found out, arguing against science is a good way to get ridiculed.

Over the next few weeks, the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission is going to conduct a genetic analysis to verify the swordfish findings. When those results are released, there is a slim chance we could still get thrown a super-octopus, whale-alligator or other weird, previously undiscovered beast curveball.

Fingers crossed.

Mack Rawden
Editor In Chief

Mack Rawden is the Editor-In-Chief of CinemaBlend. He first started working at the publication as a writer back in 2007 and has held various jobs at the site in the time since including Managing Editor, Pop Culture Editor and Staff Writer. He now splits his time between working on CinemaBlend’s user experience, helping to plan the site’s editorial direction and writing passionate articles about niche entertainment topics he’s into. He graduated from Indiana University with a degree in English (go Hoosiers!) and has been interviewed and quoted in a variety of publications including Digiday. Enthusiastic about Clue, case-of-the-week mysteries, a great wrestling promo and cookies at Disney World. Less enthusiastic about the pricing structure of cable, loud noises and Tuesdays.