Let me ask you a question. Do you like drinking? Sure, you like drinking. Who the hell don’t?
It’s that time of the year again, folks. The 2008 NBA Draft is at hand and many of you are probably coordinating plans on where to watch, as your favorite team selects that can’t miss European prospect who will likely never contribute. Ever. I feel your pain.
Now, as exciting as the NBA Draft invariably is, I felt like spicing things up this year. Most websites probably wouldn’t endorse drinking or at least advise you to do it in moderation, but we, here at Cinema Blend, love watching you mow through half a fifth of Scotch and get your questionable text message on. Besides, if anything in the world is worth pounding beers to, it’s New York Knicks fans verbally harassing David Stern, their own team, and each other.
CB friend and dental whiz kid Eric Appelsies and I have devised a sure-fire, can’t miss drinking game to go along with this year’s draft, and we, as decent human beings, felt it needed to be shared with you. Grab a few fellow alcoholics, buy some handles and a few cases of beer, and print out the rules.
1): For the first fourteen picks, each player must predict which athlete will be chosen before David Stern walks on stage. Any incorrect guess earns the offending fortune teller a five second drink.
2): After the first fourteen picks, each player may predict which athlete will be chosen before David Stern walks on stage. Any correct guess allows said player to force an opponent to drink for five seconds.
3): Each player must choose a different major collegiate conference and drink for five seconds whenever someone is drafted from said chosen conference.
Offenses Which Require Everyone To Do A Shot
1): A commentator, player, general manager, or family member of a player accidentally drops an uncensored f-bomb on air.
2): A perennial all-star is traded during the draft (Yes, Baron Davis counts).
3): Nipple slip (obviously).
4): Two players from the same college are drafted back-to-back (See Kevin Love and Russell Westbrook).
5): Knicks fans actually cheer their draft pick.
6): A player’s agent announces he will not play for the team which drafted him.
Offenses Which Require Everyone To Immediately Finish Drink:
1): Someone is drafted and ESPN lacks highlight footage of said draftee.
2): A shot of the crowd reveals a Charles Oakley or Walt Frazier jersey.
3): A draftee’s mom is uncontrollably sobbing.
4): Commentators discuss Kevin Love’s uncle being Mike Love from the Beach Boys
5): A female reporter is awkwardly hit on.
Offenses Which Require Everyone To Drink For 5 Seconds:
1): Draftee needs a translator.
2): Draftee thanks God.
3): Draftee shorter than six foot one inches is drafted.
4): Draftee taller than six foot eleven inches is drafted.
5): Draftee has on a non-black or white suit.
6): Stephen A. Smith uses the word ‘ridiculous.’
7): Hot chick in the crowd (obviously).
8): Spike Lee is referenced or shown.
9): David Stern smirks and pretends not to hear crowd booing him.
10): Draftee looks visibly irritated after his name is called by undesirable team.
11): Commentator utters the phrase “DeAndre Jordan’s stock has really fallen.”
12): Luc Richard Mbah A Moute’s name is pronounced a different way.
13): Interview deteriorates into ebonics.
14): Draftee’s AAU coach is shown.
15): Girlfriend/ wife calls during draft drinking game.