Another week, another series of failed risottos and scallops-- but this time the military is thrown in for good measure! Aaron bites the bullet at last, but it’s Joanna who’s officially sent home, proving that sass just can’t last in...dum dum dum ‘Hell’s Kitchen!’
This week we begin with what may as well be a penis-measuring contest between Josh and Rock, when Rock reminds Josh that he isn’t the boss and Josh-- big surprise!-- just doesn’t agree. Don’t let Ramsay hear that ego talking, Josh, or you’ll be deboning Dover sole next.
The next morning they’re woken up military-style, with buglers playing revelie and yelling them out of bed. Bonnie, in character, complains about looking bad, and Aaron, in character, can’t get out of bed until Rock helps him get dressed. Aaron’s starting to look like a feeble grandpa, a situation that doesn’t improve once they get to the kitchen. They’re cooking breakfast for the military, whom everyone treats with the proper reverence expected from the most conservative of networks. But no, really, they are serving America’s,and the women are assigned the Army while the men are assigned the Navy (get it? Blue team!)
Julia finally-finally!--gets her chance to shine as a breakfast cook, and keeps the womens’ kitchen humming along nicely, even when Joanna undercooks the hashbrowns. The men on the other hand are falling apart under alpha males Josh and Rock, with Vinnie being told “You’re going to sink the navy!” and Aaron, in charge of omelets, told “You’re on fire!’-- and not in the good way. The best line definitely comes from one of the navy guys, who quips “If I’d known I would get my food quicker I would’ve joined the Army.”
Unsurprisingly the women are the winners, and they are rewarded with a flight in a helicopter and a meal on an aircraft carrier, yet another opportunity for Ramsay to wax wise and the women to gaze at him adoringly. Yawn. The men, on the other hand, are left to prep the potatoes and onions for an army base meal, the mere idea of which makes Aaron collapse again. This time, though someone finally takes it seriously and calls an ambulance, and though we never quite learn what kind of pansy disease Aaron was suffering, he is not invited back to the kitchen. I’ll miss the tearstained little guy, but really, watching him constantly suffer was just getting a little painful.
That night they are cooking the same thing they’ve cooked the last three weeks, and if you thought that by now they would’ve figured out the risotto--ha! Joanna gets blamed for the “salty” mess this time, right before she cooks rancid crab and Ramsay tells her “You’ll kill someone!”; honestly, after the way they promoted that outburst, I expected something much more exciting. Bonnie gets harassed for undercooked scallops and Jen--swear to God-- fishes some spaghetti out of the trash after she accidentally throws it out, and puts it back in the pot! Honestly, woman don’t you know you’re on television and that shit will be on YouTube before tomorrow?!?
On the men’s side things are equally dismal, with Brad arbitrarily put in charge of the kitchen when Josh and Rock couldn’t agree. Brad proceeds to perform poorly, as does essentially everyone else; hothead Vinnie even gets an egg slammed into his chest by Ramsay, and manages to restrain himself from clocking Chef good. Again, what’s with the constant teasing at drama?
After the spaghetti incident it’s really no shock that the women are the worst, and without the benefit of the “best of the worst” they are sent home to talk amongst themselves, like all of a sudden the show is trying to mimic ‘The View.’ Julia inexplicably gets nominated for the chopping block, with Melissa continuing to insist that she’s stupid despite the fact that she saved everyone’s asses at breakfast. Joanna is the other one nominated, and given the lip she gave Ramsay earlier, her death warrant may as well be signed.
Back in the restaurant Joanna is chosen to read off the names, and--shocker! (and I don’t mean that sarcastically)-- Jen nominates herself as well, and actually confesses to the spaghetti incident. Now if we were playing by ‘ANTM’ rules the girl who says she’s the weakest is always the first to go, but ‘Hell’s Kitchen’ has (a shred) more logic, and Joanna gets her rightful exit.
Next week: their palates are tested, Rock may vom it all back up, Bonnie cries (surprise!) and Ramsay yells at someone that they’re “overruled.”