A brief encounter in a coffee shop or a lunch place on The Hills is like the actual result interminably delivered by Seacrest in one of those inexplicably hour-long results shows on American Idol: everything leads up to it and once the fleeting moment has passed, you’re not quite sure what all the hype was about. Lauren got multiple calls and messages from rehabber Jason who claimed he had some catching up to do with her. The producers impressively managed to draw every scene Lauren was in back to the Jason issue.
That’s why when it came to the actual reunion, which was downright uneventful, I was expecting something more than just the hug and vague friendship talk that really went down, like, maybe a thorough discussion of the Lauren-Jason split and Jason’s substance abuse issues. I would’ve gladly taken one of those farewell Idol performances that thankfully get cut off for timing issues, you know, when the lyrics usually reflect the singer’s tragic demise (Anyone else think Jason has enough in him to belt out a rousing cover of “Rehab?”).
After a nightmarish double date with her personal trainer’s friend (Audrina was lucky enough to get the personal trainer himself), Lauren reflected on her unsuccessful dating history, claiming to have only agreed to go on a second date with Jason. Lauren also claimed that Jason was the only guy she ever really fell in love with (so, I guess that means Stephen Colletti meant nothing to her?). Audrina told Lauren that she was so picky because she knew exactly what she wanted. Lauren got it right when she said she isn’t looking for the perfect guy, that she likes imperfection (okay, imperfection is a massive understatement when it comes to Jason, but the girl is on the right track).
Despite earlier vows to move on, Audrina was impressed with J-B (anyone else catch that hateful glare Lauren gave at the mention of his name?) who allegedly apologized to her. No words were necessary to describe what happened there – the shot of Audrina riding off with J-B on his motorcycle was ample proof that L.A hasn’t yet lost its second-most entertaining train wreck (the Speidi relationship being number one, obviously).
All the editing made it look like Lauren’s happiness and stability were in jeopardy, but it was really Elodie’s occupational future that was in jeopardy. An opening for an events director position at Bolthouse had Elodie’s name all over it, that is, before Heidi went behind Elodie’s back and campaigned for herself. Spencer encouraged Heidi to go for the job, but Heidi didn’t need his negative influence to garner the selfishness to do what she did. Spencer’s brainwashing really has had an effect on Heidi. I’m not sure that Heidi circa Season One would’ve done what Heidi of Season Three did to get the job that was meant for Elodie. When Heidi basked in the glory of her new office and told Elodie that it was nothing personal, I felt like I was watching one of those it’s-not-personal-it’s-strategy goodbye videos on Big Brother. Advice for Heidi’s next strategic move: evict you-know-who.
