This week’s episode of How I Met Your Mother featured all the best parts of the show: Barney used an awesome scheme to get a girl, Marshall impersonated a robot cookie jar, Lily gave a kindergartener’s mother a letter saying he was moving too fast with his girlfriend, Robin had a crazy Canadian hockey moment, and Ted gave an excruciatingly dull speech about moving on with life. Well, four out of five isn’t too bad.

If you remember from last week, Ted’s moving in with Stella and Robin’s off to Japan while Marshall and Lily are finally moving into their sad slanted apartment in Dowisetrepla. Barney, on the other hand, is his same awesome self. In fact, he uses old man make up to trick a girl at the bar into believing he is the Barney from the future. Unless she sleeps with the Barney from the past, who will enter the bar in four minutes, the human race will end due to global warming. Totally works and Barney scores again. Like I said, awesome. Anyway, the gang is moving on and everyone’s taking it pretty hard. Except for Robin, who says she just tosses things and then goes on to the next adventure in life. But for everyone else, the moving is the hardest part.

In fact, it’s so hard that Marshall, Ted, and Lily haven’t even packed and the movers are coming in 14 hours. Since Robin’s all pumped about moving, she motivates the other three to get with it. Unfortunately, packing the apartment is harder than any of them thought. After all, there are so many memories, like the time Ted went to a Renaissance fair and bought a flail that he then swung around the apartment and put a crack in the ceiling. Or when he pulled down some of the wall with his Encyclopedias (pronounced En-cyc-lo-pay-diah, according to Ted). What about the time Robin got drunk and played hockey while speaking in her deep Canadian accent, eh? Thus causing her and Lily to get in a fight, Ted to break them up, and Barney to punch a hole in the wall because you never break up a girl fight! Seriously, so many memories. But none made the impression the interventions that caused a scorch mark on the wall did. br>
They all had a friend named Stewart who was an alcoholic. After attending quite a successful intervention for him, they decided to hold them for all addictions. For example, after they watched all the James Bond movies in chronological order and Lily wouldn’t stop speaking with a bad English accent. Or when Marshall wore that horrendously tall yellow and purple striped hat. No, it was really, really tall, as in he had to bend down a foot to fit through the doorway. Then there was the time that Robin was addicted to spray tanning and was an unfortunate orange color. The most important intervention was when Barney’s magic tricks got out of hand. During that intervention, he used a flame device to make fire come out of his hand. Yes, you read right. Sorry to say, the fireball went directly to the intervention sign and lit up, causing the scorch on the wall. All of this led to the intervention that never happened.

While they were packing, Ted found a new intervention sign and letters from Ted, Marshall, and Lily. When he asked what it was for, they only had one answer, “not Stella.” Guess Ted’s friends are a little worried at his speedy engagement, as are all of us. Of course, he gets very defensive, as per Ted’s normal moodiness, and wants to hear their letters. Barney’s starts out pretty well but then he uses his awesome magic abilities to once again spit fire and he burns up the rest of the letter that actually had some meaning. He does remember to say that marriage is stupid and changes you for the worse. I mean, he’ll be 80 and still dating 22 year olds. No one believes this is true and Barney accepts the challenge of hooking up with a 22 year old while wearing his old man make-up, just to prove he will still be awesome when he’s 80. Back to the letters. Robin’s is about Ted pronouncing the word encyclopedia wrong. She thought it would be a little petty to write a letter since she’s the ex. Lily’s letter was about how Ted was improving in his reading. No, wait, that was supposed to go home with one of her kids. Flash to a mother reading how her son is moving too fast with Stella. Marshall’s tells the whole story, however.

Marshall tells Ted that they don’t think Ted is ready to marry Stella or be a father to her seven year old daughter. Although, now that they know Stella and Ted as a couple, they completely changed their mind. Sadly, Ted changed his, too, after hearing all the reasons why he shouldn’t get married or move to New Jersey. Looks like he isn’t going anywhere after all. And if he isn’t going, then neither is Marshall, and if Marshall isn’t going, then neither is Lily. It goes so far that even Robin doesn’t want to move. Everyone’s staying put and to celebrate, they go to the bar to order the usual.

When they arrive downstairs, the usual is exactly what they get. The first thing they see is Barney, in his 80 year old man make-up, making out with a 22 year old French girl. And can I just say, genius. Too bad for us this brilliance does trigger the long-winded speech from Ted. Turns out Ted doesn’t want to end up old and grey, watching old Barney make out with young girls. He wants to move on and he inspires the others to do the same. But they all should save $10 a week so in one year, they can return to the bar and share a bottle of the most expensive scotch available. And that’s exactly what they do.

Flash forward to 2009 and Robin can speak Japanese but they all still go up to the apartment to finish the ridiculously expensive scotch that tastes exactly like the cheap scotch.

Wait. What? Who lives in the apartment upstairs? I do remember the goat episode when Robin lived with Marshall and Lily. Maybe it was Ted and Robin. Or Marshall, Lily, Robin, and Barney. Agh. I can’t wait an entire week to find this stuff out. It is absolutely imperative that tomorrow be Monday again.

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