TV Recap: How I Met Your Mother-- You Mean You're Not From Missoura?

There’s a lot of things we still don’t know about Robin’s Argentinean adventure, but one thing’s for certain: there was a lot of nudity involved. As Lily put it, looking at Robin’s photo album, “This is like a ‘Where’s Waldo?’ of exposed genitalia, except it’s really easy to find Waldo.” There were also bongos and drum circles, which sounds more like this hippie college in North Carolina I know than Argentina, but regardless. In Argentina there was a Robin who enjoyed these things, and in New York there is another Robin. Which brings us to our top five.

1. Argentina Robin and New York Robin face off: Were I a man I probably would have been way more into this moment, where Robin has a dream in which she talks to her Argentina self, and then the two almost kiss. In fact, I was almost surprised that this wasn’t actually Barney’s dream, particularly since Argentina Robin was confused on the details-- “You have to have a job, that’s so American.” “I’m Canadian, you know that!” After Gael-- “male Gael”-- brings a bunch of Australian backpackers to live in Robin’s apartment, she’s forced to admit that what happened in Argentina probably should have stayed in Argentina. Which made Barney right, which confirms my roommate’s prediction that Barney is always right about everything, which brings me to number two...

2. “Here he comes, start using big words.”: Like spelling words around toddlers, the way to talk shit about Gael is his presence is apparently to use big words like “jubilant” and “paramour.” After all, Ted and Lily and Marshall went to my alma mater Wesleyan, and I knew they had learned some big words there! And if you don’t use your deservedly big vocabulary, as Barney said it, ”it’s all going to come to masticate you in the gluteals.”

3.“If I die under suspicious circumstances, be wary. Trust no one, not even Ted. Especially not Ted.”: Lily and Marshall are doing what apparently every married couple must do (I’ll have to pass the ball to my married colleagues to figure out whether this one is true or not), which is putting together a “death folder,” all the information your spouse needs to know in the event of your death. When he finds out Lily has written a letter to him in her folder, Marshall spends an entire night composing his, telling Lily that his love for her is “deeper than a Scottish loch” and crying his way through an entire box of tissues. What’s in Lily’s letter? “The ATM Pin number is 45984... Cancel Vogue.” Marshall finally guilts Lily into writing a new letter which he promises not to open until she’s dead. Cut to yeear 2029, where an aged Marshall tearfully opens Lily’s letter... where she shouts “Busted!” In walks middle-aged Lily, giving Marshall a hard time, as always. Classic. To see how it it really happened, check out the video posted below!

4. Argentina Robin, but actually in Argentina: In a flashback, we see Robin in a skimpy dress with beads in her hair, expounding on the meaning of life. “It’s like we’re all one big shimmering ball of postive energy. i wonder if anyone’s ever thought that before.” We never actually see her smoking out of a big bong in that drum circle, but I imagine it’s implied.

4. ”Crawl into the open sewer pipe you call the Holland Tunnel.”: You didn’t think I’d leave out Ted and Barney, did you? Jealous of Gael’s success with the ladies, Ted and Barney decide to pose as glamorous tourists. Somehow being from the south of France turns into being from the south of Missouri, but the two still head out on the town with two gorgeous girls who take them to their favorite restaurant in New York... “Tater Skinz, one of 57 locations on the East Coast.” Ted keeps revealing his New Yorker stripes-- “Why are we taking the Hudson, we should be on the FDR” he says to a cab driver-- and blames Barney when they wind up getting mugged at a party in the South Bronx. Finally the girls offer to take them home for what Barney dubs “Thank-God-we’re-alive sex”, but home isn’t quite the West Village... it’s West Orange. New Jersey.

Ted rips these ladies a new one: “You live in New Jersey, not New York. You are not pretty much New Yorkers. This is the greatest city in the world, and you have to earn the right to call yourself a New Yorker.” As a bona-fide New Yorker whose bedroom is the size of a king-size bed, thank you, Ted. I love when this show reveals that it’s a real New York show--OK, OK, it’s shot in Burbank, whatever--and holds attitudes we New Yorkers hold so dear. And Ted’s right: if you’re going to the South Bronx, you should be on the FDR.

All in all this episode didn’t tickle me as much as last week’s season premiere-- maybe it was just missing that excitement of a new episode after such a long break-- but really, it’s HIMYM, and it’s hard to disappoint me. But does this mean that Enrique Iglesias is gone for good, now that he and Robin are broken up? I’m going to miss those dulcet Spanish tones.

How It Really Happened: Marshall & Lily Get It On in 2029!

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Katey Rich

Staff Writer at CinemaBlend