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Tonight being the Oscars and all, I’m a little worried about This Rotten Week getting lost in the noise of the red carpet and The Artist’s acceptance speeches. That’s why I make a plea with all you reader(s) out there: Let us not get caught up in the past. Let us not look back at that which hath already been out in theaters! Let us look to the future for it is full of tree huggers and high school parties!
Just remember, I'm not reviewing these movies, but rather predicting where they'll end up on the Tomatometer. Let's take a look at what This Rotten Week has to offer.
Dr. Seuss’ The Lorax
Look I drive a Ford Explorer, my wife rocks a Cadillac CTS Wagon, we keep every light on in the house 24/7, don’t ever recycle (we’re not hippies) and for convenience have taught our daughter to litter whenever a trash receptacle isn’t within an arm’s length. So forgive me if I don’t totally “get” the message of this movie. It appears like characters actually want more trees in their lives which, to me, would only get in the way of our power lines and bigger houses. So, yeah, this movie isn’t for me.
But there being a whole host of liberal leaning, Birkenstock lovers scampering around places like Zuccotti Park and the rainforests or wherever, so there’s probably a fairly strong market for the film adaptation of Dr. Seuss’s The Lorax. The Lorax speaks for the trees after all, and some would say our trees need, something, anything (even a furry, orange-y thing) to stand up and take control of an environmental situation spiraling out of control.
Though the movie appears a rather loose interpretation of the actual book, the message remains intact with the main characters growing up in an arbor-depreciated world after the Once-ler discovers the Truffula Tree can produce Thneeds (a Fine-Something-That-All-People-Need).
Illumination Entertainment, the studio responsible for Despicable Me (81%), but also for Hop (26%), and directors Chris Renaud and Kyle Balda bring us this film at a time when kids probably need the environmentalist message more than ever. With a strong voice cast (though I suspect that part matters very little), what appears to be high production value and a modern day “updating” of the original story The Lorax has a chance to resonate with critics and mass audiences alike. I think it’s a hit. The Rotten Watch for The Lorax is 79%. .
After seeing bits and pieces of this trailer over the course of the week I began getting a little worried the footage of the party I threw in 1995 after the Springfield Homecoming dance had finally leaked on to the internet. But then I remembered in ’95 we didn’t have anything like Facebook, or Twitter, or cell phones to mass gather a million teenagers. And then I recalled that only like fifteen people showed up to my place (all dudes) and we played beer pong. Time makes memories seem a lot better than the reality. There were no flamethrowers or midgets at my soiree.
The “One Life-changing and Epic High School Night” movie has taken a number of different incarnations over the years. It’s somewhat of a Hollywood staple with flicks like Can’t Hardly Wait, Superbad, Dazed and Confused and Sixteen Candles giving us lasting coming of age tales in the stories of the main characters “finding themselves” along the way. Project X looks like the first one to try and “document” said crazy night. And where this new may film differ is by not getting hung up on the characters learning any real lesson or beginning to understand the simple hard truths of growing up, but rather replacing said lessons with girls in bikinis, tasers, roof dives, SWAT teams, and whole host of escalating criminal activity as the party devolves into anarchy. Now that’s my kind of non-apologetic party movie.
Produced by Todd Phillips (The Hangover-78%) and helmed by first time director Nima Nourizadeh, Project X uses home video-style footage to bring us the story of three dudes just looking for a little popularity and getting more than they bargained for. Though maybe it doesn't have a lot of mass appeal (I can’t imagine an older crowd getting behind it any way), Project X does look entertaining and I found myself laughing in the trailer (I’m not old yet! Yes!). And using a first person style in this type of movie is relatively new ground. The score won’t be through the roof (remember the old folks) but it won’t tank either. The Rotten Watch for Project X is 52%. .
Which Rotten movie will have the highest final Tomatometer score?
Recapping last week:
With pitchers and catchers reporting this week and spring training ramping up, I’ll use a time honored baseball saying to describe my predictions from last week. I hit a mother-f@#$ing grand slam. Take a look:
Act of Valor (Predicted: 29% Actual: 29%) Boom!
Tyler Perry’s Good Deeds (Predicted: 31% Actual: 28%)
Gone (Predicted: 18% Actual: 15%)
Wanderlust (Predicted: 67% Actual: 58%)
That’s a sexy little list right there. Four movies and off by a total of fifteen percent with one right on the money. One of my best weeks ever and a strong resume builder. The big exhale was Wanderlust as I felt not so comfortable with my prediction and have been way off on comedies before. Additionally, Good Deeds had a last second prediction switch that paid off (I had it at 21% right before post). All in all, a great week for the Rotten Watch.
Next week, the house goes quiet, Eddie Murphy goes silent and John Carter arrives. It’s going to be a Rotten Week!
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