Xbox One Launch Titles Destroy PS4 Launch Titles On Metacritic

What happened? Seriously? Man, critics need help these days. One of the most disappointing moments in gaming history rests here in the confinement of this very article: the revelation that Microsoft's Xbox One actually managed to beat out Sony's PS4 when it comes to launch titles on Metacritic.

Given that launch cycles are getting farther and fewer between and we only get this opportunity to make this comparison once every new generation of consoles, why not take the opportunity to go ahead and compare the exclusive (or semi-exclusive) launch titles? But given how stupid the numbers look by comparison, let's also try to forget this moment happened, just like that time you caught your parents bumping and grinding with the neighbors in the hot-tub.

And just as a side-note: Third-party multiplatform titles aren't included because of some of the issues that arose with certain games not properly releasing on one console over the other. So yeah, blame it on the third-party studios for failing to put out the product correctly.

First up are the two exclusive new IP for both consoles: Ryse and Knack. Both of these games come in with a fresh slate; no brand baggage here. So here's how the numbers roll out.

Ryse: Son of Rome, the quick-time abortion that was given a Roman texture overlay by Crytek, managed 61 out of 100 on Metacritic, with a user rating of 5.1.

Knack, the Cernified adventure title from Sony, scored 56 out of 100 on Metacritic, with a user rating of 6.7.

A farce... that's what this is. Somehow, Ryse, a game so stiff and devoid of creativity that you could fart out a more colorful aroma of creative smells, managed to beat out Knack? I'm no fan of Knack but that's silly. I guess the Doritocrats preferred five-hours of hack and slash over the adventure platformer. Whatever.

Moving on... we find ourselves with the match-up of Killzone: Shadow Fall versus Dead Rising 3. This here is the exclusive established brand versus the established brand. So how well did they match-up?

Killzone: Shadow Fall, Guerrilla Games' first AAA foray into PlayStation 4 technology, scored 74 out of 100 on Metacritic, with a user rating of 7.4.

Dead Rising 3, Capcom Vancouver's 20-frames-per-second zombie apocalypse title, averaged 78 out of 100 on Metacritic, with a user rating of 5.6.

Wow. Sony just can't seem to catch a break here. Zero for two. I'm speechless. I'm going to have to regroup. In the meantime, here's a Doritocratic-approved ad from the Dorito Pope.

Ah, a nice refreshing bottle of Mountain Dew with the delicious crunchy accompaniment of Doritos always hits the spot. Now it's time to get back into the thick of it.

Now this next match-up is out of default. Originally this was supposed to be Driveclub and Forza Motorsport 5, but as we all know, Sony delayed Driveclub. Instead, we'll have to settle for Contrast versus Forza Motorsport 5. It's not pretty but it is what it is.

Contrast, the high-concept indie platformer, rolls out a 62 out of 100 on Metacritic, with a user rating of 7.0.

Forza Motorsport 5, the microtransaction-filled title from Turn 10 with half the content from Forza 4, sits at 82 out of 100 on Metacritic, with a user rating of 4.9.

Despite the microtransactions stinking worse than a room filled with shoeless football players suffering tinea pedis, it still managed to win over the critics. I call bull crap, but whatever. Anyway, this match-up is one even I'll admit isn't entirely fair, but Sony delayed Driveclub, so we're stuck with this welfare-quality match-up. And you can bet your bottom dollar that the hack-jobs of Need for Speed: Rivals or Call of Duty: Ghosts or Battlefield 4, and all their innumerably rushed problems won't be making the comparison list for obvious reasons.

Anyway, moving on we have Killer Instinct and Warframe, since they're about as close as we get in the comparison of free-to-play action titles.

Killer Instinct, the game from Double Helix Games that managed to get the EVO crowd to boo out the Xbox One, scored 73 out of 100 on Metacritic, with a user rating of 5.8.

Warframe, a game I love dearly, hasn't been reviewed enough to score an average yet on Metacritic, but combining the scores already available on Metacritic it comes up to 73, with a user rating of 7.2.

We could effectively call it a tie since users seem to hate Killer Instinct and not enough people seem to be playing Warframe (or they're too busy playing and not spending enough time writing). A tie between both titles sure beats Warframe losing to that free-to-play junk.

Last and least are LocoCycle and Resogun, the two flagship indie titles for both the Xbox One and PlayStation 4.

LocoCycle, the game that was blatantly running on a Windows 7 PC with an Nvidia GTX card at this year's E3 (amongst other titles), scored a 48 out of 100 on Metacritic, with a user rating of 3.6.

Resogun, the twin-stick shooter that took a time machine from a 1993 arcade and traveled into 2013, managed 83 out of 100 on Metacritic, with a user rating of 7.7.

Finally, Sony has come back... to the fight.

It's nice to see at least one title take a decisive victory over the competition, especially given that the Xbox One's line-up was pretty piss-poor to begin with. Nevertheless, let's not forget that all these games from Microsoft and Sony's camp still die, and die hard, to the Big 'N's Wii U launch line-up. So who won the launch line-up of the eighth gen? Nintendo. Who's winning in total SKUs shipped right now? Nintendo. Who will win the eighth gen of gaming like they won seventh gen? Nintendo.