No one enjoys a solid dick joke more than the Mouse House. Disney is one of the few studios able to appease every single generation within a family with a single film, while simultaneously sprinkling in some of the most inappropriate toilet humor without most even batting an eyelash. It’s really an art, if you think about it.
Even now, Disney connoisseurs are perusing their favorite films and discovering dick jokes they didn’t even notice within the first dozen or so viewings. Recently, a Redditor, who goes by the username wimminswimmin, discovered a giant one-eyed monster cleverly hiding in plain sight in The Goofy Movie — and it's been 20 years since the film was released.
It’s not because you’re going crazy. It’s not because you think about sex every five seconds (though that’s a thing). It’s not because you have a few loose neurons that cause you to see penises everywhere you go. If dick imagery were an STD, Disney would be going to the free clinic all the time. Just when we thought there couldn’t be more references to male genitalia, another one pops up to say hello. Let’s say hi back to some of the more classic gags of Disney movie fame.
1. Big Foot, The Goofy Movie
I wasn’t kidding about the one-eyed monster in The Goofy Movie. Max and Goofy are hiding in their car for safety while Big Foot is ransacking their stuff. After plunging his head into a bag, he emerges with a pair of underwear on his head. He stops for a second to peep through the crotch, but with only room for one eye, wimminswimmin notes the scene’s obvious reference to a one-eyed monster.
2. Trident’s Castle, The Little Mermaid
Sure, we all think about sex as often as we can without turning into nymphomaniacs, but this is definitely a golden penis standing erect within Trident’s castle. It’s difficult to see — no disrespect intended to this one’s particular handler — but closer examination of the Little Mermaid DVD and VHS covers will reveal this to be every teenage boy’s favorite appendage. Austin Powers villain Gold Member would be so proud.
3. The Minister, The Little Mermaid
Leave it to The Little Mermaid, an animated movie about a mermaid losing her tail and her voice in order to wash up on land and get that D, to have more than one dick joke hidden within. It’s unclear how intentional these instances are, but there’s no denying that the minister towards the end of the film looks like he’s a little too happy to be marrying these love birds off, if you know what I mean.
4. The Centaur, Hercules
Out of all the monsters populating Hercules, we thought the Centaur had an odd looking forehead. On its own, it sort of looked like a butt poking out from a pair of tight Lululemon yoga pants or two beach balls shoved together underneath a beach blanket. What function could this shape possibly serve? After the Grecian strongman laid in a few blows, the purpose became clear. Look at it again when you a vertical welt into the mix.
5. Foot Size, Frozen
Frozen is one of the most progressive Disney animated movies to date, spotlighting the power of sisters and womanhood with a reworked story about the Snow Queen from the Hans Christian Anderson fairy tale. But even this one got in on the dick joke fun! When Kristoff is questioning Anna about her decision to marry the first guy she sees, Hans, mere hours after meeting him, he asked about the man’s foot size. Because you know what they say about men with big feet!
6. The Bus Driver, Hocus Pocus
The Sanderson sisters are looking for children. That’s their thing: the three sister witches from Hocus Pocus lure young-in’s to their lair in order to suck out their life forces and maintain their own immortality. It’s unfortunate that these women, naive to modern conveniences of the early ‘90s, encounter this pervy bus driver. When they make their master plan known to this man, he says something that warrants a YouTube tutorial about unwanted catcalling.
7. The Food Critic, Ratatouille
Anton Ego is an appropriate name for someone who values his opinion more than the actual food he’s tasting. And if he’s not happy by what he tastes, he won’t dare swallow. That’s reserved for special instances. We’re talking about food! You’re all inappropriate. I admit, we might be stretching this one a bit too far to make a connection, but there’s another instance in Ratatouille that’s more clear cut. When Linguini is trying to explain his rodent buddy to Colette, he begins by saying, "I have this tiny…" she looks down at his pants with a concerned look.
8. Kronk, The Emperor’s New Groove
God bless Kronk. He’s a man of simple tastes -- the kind of man who values Squirrel Scouts more than he does plotting and scheming -- but sometimes he unintentionally gets himself into situations that are inappropriate for someone of his mental capacities. Like this moment when he sets up camp for himself and Yzma, as the two are tramping through the jungle in search of the emperor-turned-llama. While his boss is glamping in luxury, Kronk is pitching a tent in the most literal sense; it just happens to be on his crotch.
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