OK, Joss Whedon fans. First of all, let me tell you I don't hate you. No, really! Some of my best friends are Joss Whedon fans! And I don't hate your beloved overlord either. Seriously. He's a fellow alum of my fine university, and I was even privileged enough to once see him dancing to "Don't Stop Believin'" during reunion week. You don't need me to tell you he can bust a nerdy move.
But you, my beloved Joss Whedon fans, are kind of like that aunt who asks you every Thanksgiving why you aren't married yet, or the friend who tells you you'd be so pretty if you just knew what to do with your hair. You know, the person in your life who you love, but also, well, hate for being a know-it-all?
Yes, you're know-it-alls. You are convinced that if I just watch one more episode of Buffy, or get through that pilot episode of Firefly that is two goddamn hours long, I will finally see the light and see the error of my vampire-shunning ways. But you can't make me! I don't like the shows, I don't read the comic books, I don't read Joss's blog, and according to you guys it's not because I'm not interested—I'm just wrong.
I get that you see inherent genius in a show about high school vampires. I get that, somehow, a space Western is actually brilliant drama and never deserved to be cancelled. But why, why, why, do I have to believe it too? Why, after God knows how many times of explaining that I'm not really into Buffy, must you doubt me? When you explain that you're baffled by the polar bears on Lost, I leave it alone. When you say Six Feet Under is too depressing, fine. You won't drink my Kool-Aid, so why do I have to drink yours?
When you talk about Xander, I don't really know who you're talking about. When you swoon over Spike, I still think his hair is disgusting. When you crush on Giles and his British accent, I need only point you to Hugh Laurie, or, hell, David Hyde Pierce, he'll do in a pinch. There is nothing that Buffy does that has not been done better elsewhere, except for possibly the six-second "I got the mustard out of my shirt!" song in the musical episode, which was admittedly great. But that is one episode in a show that ran for seven seasons, and is now continuing on in comic book form! Seriously, guys, let it go!
You know why none of the actors have gone on to do anything of merit since Buffy ended? It's because they're bad actors. Yeah, I love Allyson Hannigan on How I Met Your Mother, but she can't act. And if I really need to tell you that Sarah Michelle Gellar can't act either, well, you're obviously Freddie Prinze Jr. using a fake name.
I'm thrilled you guys have found a show that pushes all your geek buttons, and that it inspires you to go to conferences and call Joss Whedon "Jossus" (no, really, why do you do that?) and stage your own version of the musical episode, except with people who can’t really sing. But stop looking at me like I'm just too dumb to understand the show's genius. I have a degree in Film Studies! I get it! I just want no part of it. Go away.
Cinema Blend writers fight back against out of control fanboys in our ongoing series of editorials, Bad Fandom! For more Bad Fandom click here.