Some language is NSFW:
Comedian Pete Holmes has a new show to promote called The Pete Holmes Show, and he's decided to do that by antagonizing comic book nerds everywhere with an outrageous sketch called "Batman vs. Superman." The question of whose better has been one that fanboys and fangirls have been fighting over for decades. But for Holmes this query comes down to two things: Who is more powerful? And who is cooler? In this hilarious and barb-filled bit, the answer to both spells out why these two should never team up.
The sketch begins with Superman calling Batman to meet using the bat signal. And when the Dark Knight predictably emerges from the shadows, Superman suggests they work together. Then it's time for some real talk. "I'm basically just rich and nuts," Bruce Wayne tells Clark Kent, explaining why he'd be no asset to a man who is born to be invincible. "My main nemesis is Bane, basically a 'roided out jock with a gasmask, and he straight up broke my back. You could have taken him down with one hand. And with the other hand, you could have just jerked it."
Impersonating Christian Bale's growling Batman voice, Holmes makes the masked vigilante ridiculous by miming masturbation, ugly crying over Wayne's dead parents, and lobbing zingers at the earnest Superman like "Somebody's got to tell you, man: you're boring. Even your alter ego! Like I picked 1970s Hugh Hefner, you picked one of the Newsies…which Newsie did you base Clark Kent off of? Was it Crutchie?" Commissioner Gordon even pops in to join in the fun by mocking Clark's alter-ego disguise.
In case you don't get the reference, here's Crutchie in action from Newsies on Broadway:
While the caped crusader and the ultimate boy scout have faced off in comics and cartoons again and again, they have yet to have a showdown in a live-action movie. But that hotly anticipated event will finally happen in the upcoming Man of Steel sequel Batman vs. Superman. Henry Cavill will reprise his role as the extraterrestrial immigrant with incredible powers, and Ben Affleck will play his nemesis, the playboy heir turned jaded superhero. But come one, unless you've been living on another planet the past few months, you knew that.
Batman vs. Superman is set to hit theaters on July 17th, 2015. The Pete Holmes Show will make its debut on October 28th after Conan on TBS.