CB's Flaming Hobbits And Best Of 2007 Awards

It’s been three years since our last CB Awards, largely because Head Honcho, Josh Tyler, has been too cheap to shell out for the traditional dinner at the Olive Garden that we feast upon while we decide each year’s winners. Come on, really, is the unlimited salad bowl really too much to ask in return for my picks of the year’s best? Unfortunately, it appears so. While the site has put out Top Ten lists from some of our busiest writers each year, the CB Awards have gone untouched.

This year I finally made Josh fork out for dinner, although it wound up being Arby’s instead of Olive Garden, and I had to bring a “Buy One, Get One Free” coupon as incentive. While some things had changed since the last time we sat down to decide the year’s best (Josh is now sporting a beard), other things hadn’t changed (I still wear my mouse ears, much to Josh’s chagrin). Over roast beef and cheddar cheese sandwiches, we figured out our picks for this year’s award, as well as the return of The Flaming Hobbit after another extended hiatus. Special thanks to CB Writers Katey Rich and Ed Perkis for helping with the return of the Flaming Hobbit. Maybe next year they can get in on the meal as well.

Here’s this year’s CB Awards, offering awards in categories we think are important, to movies we almost actually agree on this year. Don’t be impressed though. The only real badge of honor in here is the Flaming Hobbit, the closest we’ve come to an annual distinction.

Josh: I can’t believe I’m picking this, but Sicko is not only the most important movie of the year, but my favorite as well. I don’t even like Michael Moore. Hell, I hate Michael Moore. Not because of his politics, but because his last two movies (whether or not I agree with their point of view) were flat out manipulative, insidious, vile propaganda. With Sicko though, he did an about face and tackled one of the most dire, desperate issues facing our country with humor, facts, and shock of shocks… even fairness. Sicko is more than a documentary, it’s a life changing experience. Unlike Moore’s other work, it does more than simply preach to the converted. It changes minds, riles people up, and pisses people off enough that maybe, one of these days it’ll be a catalyst for getting the American people to get up and actually do something. Even if that never happens, Sicko is a spectacularly well made film, a roller coaster ride of emotion and heart. This is Michael Moore’s masterpiece, a sickeningly sad, viciously accurate portrayal of corrupt American government as seen through the lens of our rapidly failing healthcare industry.

Rafe: Every once in a while I like to completely mess with people and give a different movie here than I list in my year-end Top Ten. If I was to pick a different movie, Sicko would probably be it. It’s irrelevant, however, because I’m not picking it. Moore’s argument be damned, Black Snake Moan was more to my liking in 2007. You’ll notice a trend in the following categories because of how much the Samuel L. Jackson film blew me away. Why? Easy – I like stories about redemptive characters, and Black Snake Moan is about redemption. Can a cuckolded man and a trampy girl – direct opposites of what each character is looking for - help each other find salvation? Even better, the movie doesn’t quite answer the question. Even as the credits roll, the audience is left wondering whether either character will truly find happiness. Not that I desire a sequel, but it might be cool seeing Jackson and Ricci play these characters again in another decade, something like Before Sunrise and Before Sunset, only in the deep south.

Rafe: One of the disadvantages of putting out our awards so early is that I haven’t had the chance to see most of the movies that will pop up as Oscar contenders. Of course, the advantage of that is I’m not brainwashed into only thinking award-worthy performances come in the last month of the year. Instead, I’m one of the few critics who will remember the incredible performance by Joseph Gordon-Levitt in The Lookout. Levitt has to convincingly play Chris Pratt as a shell of his former self. That means his performance has to not only communicate who the character is now, but what the character has lost as well. Through his talent we see the former hopes and dreams of Chris, as well as his current hopes and dreams, and his frustration at everything he’s lost. There’s a desperation to reclaim what the character used to be; to not just accept what life (and his own stupidity) has handed him, and that’s all through Levitt’s skillful acting. It would have been easy to create a mentally-challenged shadow for the story’s sake, but instead Chris Pratt exists in four dimensions, and the audience can’t help but mourn a little for what could have been had Chris’s accident not taken so much away.

Josh: Well I have seen most of the movies being touted as Oscar contenders, and I still think Joseph Gordon-Levitt’s performance in The Lookout is by far the best of the year. If only it had been released in December, or if anyone besides you and I had actually made the effort to see The Lookout when it was released back in March, then maybe he’d be getting the credit he deserves. Since he’s playing a mentally challenged character, you’d think that at least would have earned him some attention. Oscar voters normally love a well played retard. Perhaps Levitt’s brain damaged character is too complex. He tackles an incredibly complicated, frustrated and angry character with an affliction that could have turned into a gimmick, and makes him a relatable, real, utterly fascinating figure. JGL is flat out amazing, he gives an even better performance here than he did in Brick last year, for which he got a lot of buzz. I can’t wait to see what the kid from 3rd Rock does next.

Josh: Much like being forced to watch a female comedian, trying to single out the year’s best female performance is usually something of a drag. Women get crummy roles in Hollywood, and picking out who did the best with their crummy role usually leads you down the path of some boorish, overwrought, corset drama. Not this year though. This time the choice is easy. The best performance of the year came courtesy of someone almost none of you know in a movie almost none of you will ever see. I fell absolutely in love with New Zealander Loren Horsley in Eagle vs. Shark at SXSW this year and after sifting through all her Oscar bait competition I still haven’t seen an actress do anything better in 2007. She steals the movie with her quietly determined, subtle, awkward character. Outside she’s a façade of painfully shy reserve, but in her eyes burns an uncanny passion and bravery unmatched by any of the usual female throwaways tossed up on screen. She’s real. She’s flawed. She wears comfortable clothes. I may be in love with her. Don’t tell my wife. Luckily, she never reads this site. She has standards.

Rafe: I agree with you on the difficulty trying to pick out a key female role. We’ve really had a dearth of superior female characters this year. In fact, I can’t honestly say any performances really stuck out to me. Very few of my top ten movies this year feature any kind of decent female performance. Fortunately my favorite movie for the year, Black Snake Moan had Christina Ricci showing off what she can do. No, I’m not talking about just showing off her hot boy in daisy dukes and clothes that practically fall off, although that wasn’t terrible (don’t tell my wife either). Instead I’m talking about an actress reaching the potential I’ve seen since she played Wednesday Adams in those big screen Adams Family adaptations. Actually, Ricci’s acting skills almost nullify the near nudity, as she builds the character to a point that you realize how damaged she is, and how her sexuality is a manifestation of that damage. From that point on, Rae’s advances and desires stop being so sexy. Only a really talented actress can take a young, hot appearance, and transform it into something undesirable.

Rafe: I’d love to give Jackson credit for his short role as Mr. Olin in 1408, but as much as he does with such a small amount of screen time, it doesn’t even begin to touch his role as Lazarus in Black Snake Moan. Jackson evokes the deep south mentality with his character and simultaneously turns his character into the jury and self-appointed savior of Christina Ricci’s Rae. Even though he’s her captor, it doesn’t take long to realize Lazarus himself is in just as much need of salvation, and his efforts to help Rae are really a way of helping himself at the same time. Add on top of that depth Jackson’s soulful voice on musical interludes like the title song, and you’ve got a memorable role that easily rivals some of the best work Jackson has done in his career.

Josh: I’m with you, no question it’s Black Snake Moan. Not just for his acting, but his singing too. I used to buy a lot of movie soundtracks, but had sort of gotten out of the habit in recent years. However, right after watching Black Snake Moan the first thing I did was to go home and download the soundtrack from iTunes. Who knew Sam had it in him? His tracks from BSM are now in regular rotation on my iPod and both the movie and the music are only as good as they are because he, against all odds, makes this thing work. I can’t imagine anyone I’d rather see chain up a half-naked white woman.

Josh: Gerard Butler’s abs in 300. Come on, no way those were real. Were they? Well if they were then I guess I’ll have to go with the obvious and say Michael Bay’s Transformers. While there are a few cartoony moments in the film, for the most part Optimus Prime, Bumblebee and the gang look amazingly real. For the first time ever, somebody did giant freakin’ robots absolutely right. Bay blew my inner child’s mind, and it’s worth noting that he did it with more than just great CGI. Though the vast majority of the movie’s Transformer characters are computer generated, Bay also had the sense to mix in real sets and scale models with his extreme animation. The result is something much more believable than a film about robots who can turn into cars probably has any right to be.

Rafe: I saw a common trend for the year in visual effects extravaganzas – I gave them a lot of leeway if they had a good story. Looking at some of my favorite “big” special effects movies for 2007, I see a lot of movies where I noticed cheesy or bad effects, but forgave them in interest of a whole story. So, since you’ve agreed with me so much, I’ll give you Transformers for Spectacular Visual Effects. Even more powerful a testament to Bay’s movie, is the notion that I’m not much of a Transformers fan, but even I had to admit the robotic characters looked awesome, particularly as the movie finally pulled everything together for a climactic battle that looked so real, I couldn’t help but get invested in what was going on on-screen.

Rafe: Warner Brothers took the opportunity to push their own film library in I Am Legend. There’s nothing particularly exciting about the movies Will Smith’s character borrows from the movie rental place, but instead what is playing on the marquis at the theater the character passes in the first ten minutes of the movie: the long anticipated, and currently canceled, Batman vs. Superman. Considering the response to a five second shot in the movie of the advertising banner, I wouldn’t be surprised to see Warners revisit the idea of a “World’s Finest” or Batman vs. Superman flick, especially since they have until 2010 to have it in theaters, at least according to the I Am Legend shot.

Josh: I hate that this is going to be the only place I give anything to Transformers in this year’s CB Awards, but much as I loved it, nobody’s a bigger product placement whore than Michael Bay. I could live with Bumblebee transforming into a shiny new Camaro even though he’s much cooler as the classic one, and I can put up with the transforming cell phone, since, it sort of served a purpose in the story. But the transforming Mountain Dew soda dispenser was a little much. It’s completely random, it has nothing to do with what’s going on in the movie, and the only reason for it to be there is so Bay and the studio can pocket a little more cash. Though I have to admit, the little kid inside me loved seeing a coke machine turn into a robot… Alright, I take it all back. Blatant product placement yes, but any product placement that involves turning the product into a robot can’t possibly be wrong.

Josh: Even though the early word on this film screamed nothing but disaster, I was still incredibly disappointed in Richard Kelly’s Southland Tales. Not necessarily because I expected it to be good, but because Donnie Darko is so good, I badly wanted it to be more than a fluke. It’s incredible, but apparently Darko was just a happy accident, and Richard Kelly is now a joke. He didn’t just drop the ball on Southland Tales, he made an epically bad, pretentious, boring, piece of crap. It’s one of the worst movies of the year, and it comes from a guy a lot of people once thought had unlimited potential. Well not anymore. If you need me I’ll be over here in the corner weeping and clutching my copy of Donnie Darko.

Rafe: Your review of Southland Tales turned me completely off from seeing the movie, and I can’t help but doubt I’ll see it on DVD. Basically that means I didn’t have a chance to be disappointed in Kelly’s follow up film. Instead, I found David Goyer’s The Invisible to be my most disappointing movie. The trailers made it look like an interesting story of a kid stuck between life and death, trying to solve his own murder. Instead it was just an extended metaphor for teenage angst, nowhere near cleverly hidden enough for even the casual viewer. Goyer should stick to comic book movies and action pieces, because, despite the depth The Invisible could have had, the whole thing comes across as shallow.

Rafe: I really wanted Spider-Man 3 to be in this spot, but the third chapter of the franchise did what most extensions did this year – let down audiences who were hoping for more. The one movie that really stood out as a successful continuation of characters and story was Ocean’s Thirteen, or, as I prefer to call it, the sequel that Ocean’s Eleven should have had. Thirteen was a return to the lighthearted antics of Danny Ocean and his gang as they set out on a not-so-lighthearted mission. The fun is back, the quick banter is back, and the laughter is back. There weren’t the same amount of press reports of the cast having a blast behind the scenes, but maybe that means they got off their asses and put together a movie worth seeing. My movie collection will forever be devoid of Ocean’s Twelve, but Thirteen is a worthy addition and a much better note for Danny Ocean to retire on.

Josh: Oh yeah, I forgot that you’re the only guy on the planet who still hasn’t seen any of the Bourne movies. Come on man, you don’t know what you’re missing. This was the year of the threequel, but almost all of them were big disappointments, with one exception: The Bourne Ultimatum is an ass-kicker of a movie. Not just the best of the Bourne series, but maybe one of the best action movies made in the past ten years. It’s just that good. It’s now impossible to think of Matt Damon as a Streisand. In Ultimatum he’s like a force of nature, a pounding rainstorm, a silent, living weapon of determined, unstoppable motion. You’ve never seen action like the mind-blowing battling director Paul Greengrass delivers here. It’s not just the best franchise extension, it’s the best action movie of the year. Sorry Optimus Prime, but Jason Bourne could kick your giant metal butt.

The Flaming Hobbit is presented each year or so (unreliability is the sheer essence of the FH) to the best bad movie of the year. You know... the one you're afraid to admit you own when talking to your friends. The movie you keep hidden WAY at the back of your DVD collection. Be afraid no longer! We aren't. Flaming Hobbit's are admittedly horrible or flawed films that, for some reason, still have something to offer. Trust me it is simpler than it sounds. Just remember that this is NOT an award for the WORST MOVIE OF THE YEAR!!!

2007 Contenders Who Didn’t Win:

Across the Universe – Beatlemania isn’t dead, it’s just abstract and surreal in Julie Taymor’s musical filled with musical arrangements of the Fab Four’s tunes. If the concept and cast isn’t your thing, you should probably avoid her next stage play: a musical adaptation of Spider-Man, where she hopes to use some of Universe’s cast again.

Dead Silence – The creators of Saw put together a slightly silly little horror flick about a ventriloquist and her dummies. The story isn’t all that special, but the gothic atmosphere and sound engineering are both quite good, making this a movie about style but no real substance – a perfect Flaming Hobbit contender.

Disturbia – Shia LeBeouf is no Jimmy Stewart, and this little thriller is no Rear Window, but that doesn’t make it any less fun. Actually D.J. Caruso’s homage to Hitchcock’s classic film isn’t that bad, as long as you overlook the departure from the movie being voyeuristic in order to move the story forward.

Underdog – I never would have imagined a live action version of a cheaply produced cartoon would be all that enjoyable, but that’s what makes the Flaming Hobbits special. Underdog is cheesy, corny, and a partial departure from what made the classic cartoon so good. It even stars Jim Belushi, but we’re willing to overlook all of that because it’s also fun.

It should come as no surprise that Grindhouse takes this year’s Flaming Hobbit. After all, this is the kind of movie that begs for this kind of award as a high mark of honor. There’s nothing about Grindhouse that aims for Oscars, Screen Actor’s Guild Awards, or anything else. The plots are threadbare, with plenty of jumps and holes. From a technical standpoint, the filming is intentionally low quality. Everything about this screams out that it’s a bad movie, and it’s all done to pay tribute to the exploitation flicks that would be likely Flaming Hobbit contenders themselves.

Sure, half the movie is stronger than the other, with Rodriguez’s Planet Terror a more enjoyable tale than Tarantino’s talk-fest Death Proof, but even Tarantino’s part has some guilty pleasure elements to it. Besides, thanks to the split of the films on DVD, you don’t even have to watch both parts if you don’t want to.

Tarantino and Rodriguez set out to pay tribute to a movie experience they loved. While that experience may not have appealed to major audiences, it definitely earns the distinct honor of the Flaming Hobbit more than any other picture in 2007.

Each year The Flaming Hobbit Spirit Award is presented to the actor or actress whose body of work is most consistently in keeping with the ideals and principles of The Flaming Hobbit.

This year’s nominees for the Spirit of the Flaming Hobbit award were probably the best we’ve ever had. In fact, I don’t think there was a single name offered that isn’t worthy of the award, and I expect we’ll honor most of them with the distinctive title some time in the future. Of all of them, one name stood out above all the others to join the likes of William Shatner and David Hasslehoff in the Spirit of the Flaming Hobbit: Christopher Walken.

Walken has had about as diverse a career as you can possibly have. He’s garnered acclaim in roles in movies like The Deer Hunter and Catch Me If You Can. Typically, when an actor is as recognized as someone like Walken, a Flaming Hobbit type movie is an error in their career, but with Walken roles like Captain Koons in Pulp Fiction or Feng in Balls of Fury are just as frequent as the critically accepted parts.

With as unique a speech pattern as Shatner, if not more so, Walken is an absolute delight to see in the credits of any movie. His over the top villany in movies like Batman Returns or The Rundown are forgivable and enjoyable, just because he’s so damn fun to watch as he dominates the screen. What’s more, Walken himself seems to be having as much fun playing over the top parts as the audience enjoys watching him.

While dedicated Walken fans have known about his dancing skills for a while now (if not before the music video for Fatboy Slim’s “Weapon of Choice” than definitely by that time), it seems appropriate to recognize the actor for embodying the Spirit of the Flaming Hobbit the year he appeared in a more mainstream musical. Hairspray may have underutilized the actor, but the actor did what he does best: made the most of it and looked like he was having a good time doing it.

William Shatner Wins the Flaming Hobbit Spirit Award

1st Flaming Hobbit

2nd Flaming Hobbit

2004 CB Awards