Good day, buriers of all things beyond repair. I’d ask if any of you guys watched anything good in theaters this weekend, but I’m not sure anybody reading this was one of the 18 people who actually watched a movie outside of their home. The only horror making its way to the big screen was Casey La Scala’s end-of-days thriller The Remaining, which began its limited run.

As far as smaller news goes, Relativity Media has dropped seven figures on The Woman in Black 2 from director Tom Harper. The highly acclaimed mockumentary What We Do in the Shadows, with Flight of the Conchords star Jemaine Clement, has been picked up for U.S. distribution by The Orchard, Unison Films and Funny or Die. And Douglas Booth (Noah) has joined the long-time-coming Pride and Prejudice and Zombies.

And now, let me tell you a story about a thing named Zorb.

The ABCs of Death Bleeds Out Two New Trailers
You make a movie with 26 different directors telling 26 different stories, quality issues are going to come up. The anthology film The ABCs of Death contained some of the most disturbingly awesome short films ever to get a major release, but it also contained some of the most mindless fluff I’ve ever seen. As such, I cannot wait to see the upcoming sequel from Magnet Releasing and Drafthouse Films. The majority of the filmmakers lined up for this pic are pretty stellar, though there are a few whose work I haven’t been lucky enough to see yet. For what it’s worth, everything in the green band trailer seen above and the red band trailer below looks as compelling as I would have hoped. Here, take the time to watch the bloodier trailer below, complete with giant fake penis.

From the botched beheading to that girl getting eaten by a giant hamburger, these trailers look absolutely fucking bonkers. Killer monkeys? Dizzy Frankenstein monsters? Porno snuff? This is just like my wedding video. Notable directors showcasing their talents here include E.L. Katz (Cheap Thrills), animator Bill Plympton (The Tune), Julian Barratt (The Mighty Boosh), Larry Fessenden (Wendigo), Vincenzo Natali (Cube), and sisters Jen and Sylvia Soska (American Mary). The ABCs of Death 2 is set to hit VOD on October 2, and look out for its limited theatrical run starting October 31.

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