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Hellraiser Remake

If there’s any silver lining in the modern insistence on remaking every movie ever made, it’s that if you don’t like the remake just wait… and they’ll probably do it again. And it’ll work too. Hollywood has figured out something rather magical. Since they only care about the ticket-buying power of high school kids, they could theoretically remake every movie ever made once every 5 years and still make a hefty profit. Every five years they get a fresh crop of high school kids who haven’t seen the movie they’re remaking, and they can do it all over again. Don’t like it? Then you’re probably over 20 and irrelevant.

The latest movie jumping onto the remake train is Hellraiser. The original is 20 years old, which makes it practically ancient. It’s a wonder it hasn’t been redone before this. They should be on at least their second remake of it by now. Variety says French filmmakers Julien Maury and Alexandre Bustillo have been hired to write and direct the redo of Clive Barker’s original 1987 horror film. It’s being funded by Dimension, who scored big this summer with their remake of Halloween. So if you bought a ticket to Halloween, this is entirely your fault.

The original was about a man named Frank who solves a puzzle-box which unlocks a gateway to hell. Demons called Cenobites fly out, and kill Frank. Later, Frank’s brother moves into his house and discovers Franks’ re-animated remains upstairs. The Cenobites are unhappy, and horrifying things happen. If you’ve haven’t seen it, you’ve likely at least heard of or seen Pinhead, leader of the Cenobites who receives that name later on in the Hellraiser series of movies.