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This Is How All Movie Theaters Should Be Laid Out

Going to the movie theater can be a taxing experience. Cell phones ring. Teenagers text. Babies cry. Can’t we all just sit in silence and watch Tom Cruise sing “I Want to Know What Love Is” into Malin Akerman’s butt, please?

Well, the good folks over at The Oatmeal have it all figured out. Well-behaved adults who aren’t going through puberty, wearing a diaper or “cooking up snarky remarks to yell at the screen” are invited to sit in normal seats – or “the big kid’s table” – with the rest of the ticket-buying public. The rest of you? Into the dome, motherfuckers.

(Click to view the larger image)

The dome, as you can see, would be a soundproofed chamber meant to contain all of the nonsense that ruins the movie-going experience. In the dome, people can talk to the actors on the screen, accept cellphone calls, and sing the praises of Battleship. Only the idiots in the dome can hear you. Everyone else is enjoying a comfortable seat (with a jack for noise-canceling headphones) and actually watching the movie. What a novel concept.

Oh, and if you need to use the bathroom during the movie, there’s a toilet of shame. It’s located on the top of the movie screen. Good luck with that.

Movie studios would never invest in the dome. They’d rather spend their money on 3D and Dolby Atmos … upgrades we don’t want. We want a civilized move theater back. We want the dome. Thank you, Oatmeal. Now let’s make this happen.

Sean O’Connell is a journalist and CinemaBlend’s Managing Editor. He's frequently found on Twitter at @Sean_OConnell. ReelBlend cohost. A movie junkie who's Infatuated with comic-book films. Helped get the Snyder Cut released, then wrote a book about it.