Not much on the docket this week except a re-imagining of the greatest show about undercover cops going to high school that came out of the years 1987 to 1991 (granted there wasn’t much competition, but whatever). Channing Tatum and Jonah Hill are ready to Jump! Down on Jump Street!
Just remember, I'm not reviewing these movies, but rather predicting where they'll end up on the Tomatometer. Let's take a look at what This Rotten Week has to offer.
21 Jump Street
Let me take you through a typical summer day in the life of 14 year old Doug Norrie. Wake up around nine AM. Eat Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Turn on the television (basic cable, no frills, this was the 90’s.) Flip around and find reruns of 21 Jump Street. Fantasize about becoming an undercover cop in my high school, busting all the faux gangbangers and psuedo-tough guys. I was going to take them all down. Harry Ioki-style.
What can I say? I grew up in a dystopian suburbia. 21 Jump Street was a gateway. Who didn’t want to be Officer Tom Hanson or Officer Doug (no relation to me) Penhall? These guys were demigods to the typical high school crowd. Heroes. I still bow at their altar.
Thus I don’t take a “re-imagining” of 21 Jump Street lightly. And though the show doesn’t necessarily stand the test of time (I watched some old episodes a few weeks ago on a “sick” day; they were rough) there are aspects of the Jump Street gang that exist in the Americana of the late eighties, early nineties. So remaking it as a feature film requires a certain amount of updating and a willingness to harken back to a simpler Johnny Depp-ian time. Unless of course you make it a joke (much like the late eighties, early nineties) in which case you might strike cinematic gold.
Channing Tatum and Jonah Hill, after a less than stellar run on “the beat” are assigned to Jump Street Chapel. What ensues appears to be a mess of high school parties, shootouts, hi jinx, doves flying, and Jonah Hill getting stabbed. It looks hilarious.
Phil Lord and Chris Miller’s (Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs-86%) take on Hill’s and Michael Bacall’s script, which goes the Starsky and Hutch route of remaking something from a cornier time, i.e. Don’t take anything too seriously. A number of reviews are already in with 21 Jump Street basically crushing it. At 95% through twenty plus reviews, it looks like a winner. I can’t in good conscience count this on my resume with such a head start, but I do predict it will slump a little bit as more reviews come in. That’s fine, its just nice to have a little piece of my childhood back. The Rotten Watch for 21 Jump Street is 85%.
Recapping last week:
John Carter (Predicted: 45% Actual: 50%) performed just as a I predicted. That score fell and fell and fell over the last few days. After coming strong out of the gate, many critics saw it as messy, overly expensive piece. Poor Tim Riggins. Hopefully it’s back to the football field for him.
Meanwhile, A Thousand Words (Predicted: 12% Actual: 0%) proves that it’s possible to make a prediction of 12% and be off by more than ten percent because the movie scored so low. Only thirty-seven reviews are in so over time I might get one or two people to help me get into the sweet spot. But it doesn’t look good (for my score or the movie).
Finally, Silent House (Predicted: 68% Actual: 49%) dropped a decent amount over the course of the week making this prediction look fairly silly. I thought it could maintain, but as Eric (and many others) pointed out in his review, a decent movie is sabotaged by a terrible ending.
Next time around it’s Katniss and Peeta fighting for their lives in the arena and trying to keep their bellies full. It’s going to be a Rotten Week!
Doug began writing for CinemaBlend back when Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles actually existed. Since then he's been writing This Rotten Week, predicting RottenTomatoes scores for movies you don't even remember for the better part of a decade. He can be found re-watching The Office for the infinity time.
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