This may be the most fractured box office weekend of the year, with major wide releases debuting all at once. Blame Pirates of the Caribbean. Most studios were scared of being lost beneath Jack Sparrow and his box office behemoth, so they shifted release dates away from his film in order to find clearer waters. Unfortunately, everyone shifted to July 21st, and now we’re left with a glut of new movies to choose from. But can any of them unseat Pirates as champ? The movie is in its third week of release, and despite huge numbers audience feedback on it has been nearly as tepid as the movie’s reviews. This could be the weekend Pirates falls, but I wouldn’t bet against it. With so many new releases they may end up squabbling for second place.
But who cares how much money Hollywood has to swim through in their money bin. Let’s look at which new releases are worth watching this weekend:
Lady in the Water (Opens in 3,235 theaters.)
M. Night Shyamalan follows up The Village with what by most accounts, is an even worse movie. How is that possible? Couching his latest as a “Bedtime Story” (whatever that means), the film tells the story of fantasy creatures popping up in the midst of a hum-drum apartment complex. Bryce Dallas Howard plays a water sprite that shows up in the apartment pool, and asks for the help of its residents to keep from being eaten by a hungry shrub monster. If it’s as bad as it sounds, M. Night really needs to take a step back. The man’s ego is out of control. Maybe it’s time he tried something else. Janitorial work perhaps?
My Super Ex-Girlfriend (Opens in 2,702 theaters.)
Ghostbusters director Ivan Reitman tackles another twist on the superhero genre, this time applying it to relationships. Matt (Luke Wilson) ends up dating a superheroine named G-Girl (Uma Thurman), and when he wants to break up, she doesn’t take it well. G-Girl is a complete psycho. The type of ex that pours gasoline on your pickup truck and sets it on fire. Only G-Girl has superpowers, and she uses them to make Matt’s life a living hell. The movie’s a cream puff. Shallow and quickly forgotten.
Monster House (Opens in 3,553 theaters.)
Monster House tells the story of a house gone awry. When the house across the street starts eating dogs, cops, and errant toys, two boys are all that stand between it and the neighborhood. It might have been better as a live action film, but Monster House is a masterful family film. Kids are going to love it. It’s Goonies for a new generation, and you’ll be surprised by how much fun you have with it. If you have kids, make sure you take them to see Monster House.
Clerks II (Opens in 2,150 theaters.)
I was disinvited from screening Clerks II with the rest of the press, probably to make room for someone like Joel Siegel. So I’ll be headed out with everyone else to get a look at Kevin Smith’s service industry sequel this weekend.. While this may be a bit of a back step for Smith, there’s no denying that he’s the master of this universe. Smith knows this kind of filmmaking, and Clerks II is going to be great. Despite Joel Siegel’s shameful hissy fit in the midst of a New York press screening of the film, it’s getting glowing reviews from critics. The movie picks up the lives of the characters from the first movie, only a few years down the road when they’ve become decidedly middle aged. Just don’t expect the jokes to have grown up. Dick, shit, and donkey show jokes remain a Kevin Smith staple.
STILL IN THEATERS AND WORTH YOUR TIME: Superman Returns, Cars, Nacho Libre
