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Where Has All The Movie Sex Gone?

Oh, the Internet. It’s done so much for communication, entertainment and research, along with just about anything else that can be done. And while most of those are certainly successes, one of the net’s downfalls is taking the acting out of pornographic movies and, apparently. the more pornographic scenes out of theatrical movies. By offering up multiple angles on every fetish from feet to clowns, online experiences have sapped much of the titillation out of cinematic love scenes, not to mention that kids won’t milk their parents’ wallets to go see them.

For a recent Telegraph article, writer Celia Walden considers the startling lack of sex available to cinema viewers in recent days. She quotes Vincent Bruzzese of the market research company Ipsos, who observes that sex has all but vanished from Hollywood scripts in the past 18 months or so. And while you might be quick to debate that with one example, try and name three - and they can’t all be independent horror movies featuring only nudity without the lustfully goofy elegance of movie sex’s heyday. The article notes that the beyond-rampant access to porn has somewhat made the melodramatic softcore of romances laughable.

“Sex scenes used to be written, no matter the plot, to spice up a film trailer,” Bruzzese said in an interview. “But all that does today is get the film an adult-only rating and lose a younger audience.”

After all, why show one of the most primal acts that defines humankind when the other one – the one that thrives on watching things get stabbed, punched, shot and blown up – will work just fine? The editorial notes that paying some guys to create the special effects sitting at a computer will usually be cheaper than paying a top tier actress to appear in any amount of undress. Despite the fact that young adults will actually have sex – and presumably won’t blow up buildings and take down international assassins like the scenes in money-making films – the views on sex in teenager-centered films are even more immature than the shoddily written characters.

Remember how up in arms everyone got over Zack and Miri Make a Porno’s initial NC-17 rating? And for what? The movie doesn't even have a donkey show. And even if we didn't get anything spectacular out of the scenes that Joseph Gordon-Levitt cut from his directorial debut Don Jon to avoid that dreaded NC-17 rating, that doesn’t mean they shouldn't be there.

The writer does note that when the 50 Shades of Grey film comes out, NC-17 rating and all, it will hopefully inject a dose of sexiness into the next few years of cinematic love stories. At the very least, it could finally wash away those images of Rosie O’Donnell in an S&M suit in Exit to Eden.

As sad as it is, there were parts of my youth that involved sitting through a shitty movie on cable just because I knew there happened to be a sex scene in it (Color of Night and Jason’s Lyric, I’m looking at you). Enjoy the below montage of kissy-faces and shoulder blades and remember just how things used to be.

Nick Venable
Nick Venable

Nick is a Cajun Country native, and is often asked why he doesn't sound like that's the case. His love for his wife and daughters is almost equaled by his love of gasp-for-breath laughter and gasp-for-breath horror. A lifetime spent in the vicinity of a television screen led to his current dream job, as well as his knowledge of too many TV themes and ad jingles.