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Laurie Davidson as Mr. Mistoffelees in Cats

Contrary to popular belief, we’re not living in a “doggy-dog world.” It’s a Jellicle Cat world now and we all know it! As Judi Dench’s Old Deuteronomy so blatantly revealed in Tom Hooper’s memorable live-action movie musical, a cat is NOT a dog. And just a few weeks ago, we were not self-quarantining in our homes or conspiracy theorizing about Cats’ alleged “Butthole Cut” to pass the time.

If you’ve been hiding under a stockpile of toilet paper, on Tuesday night Seth Rogen got high and started live tweeting about Cats. He wasn’t the only one. Tons of movie fans decided to tune in to Cats on the night it became available on Digital. Soon enough, “Release the Butthole Cut” started trending – even Knives Out and Star Wars: The Last Jedi filmmaker Rian Johnson was demanding this previous version of the film be unleashed.

Word of the Butthole Cut came about when one reported friend of a Cats producer described some 400 shots of CGI buttholes had to be removed from the Broadway musical adaptation before it hit theaters. Check out the tweet that started it all below:

The next day, another VFX crew member from Cats confided in Ben Mekler again to support and clarify claims of the Butthole Cut. The anonymous email indicated that while there were never shots of cats with buttholes, there were a ton of shots of the cat-human hybrids that were in their words “groomed or just folded in a way that really REALLY looked like very furry lady genitals and buttholes by accident.”

A Universal spokesperson has now commented on the situation. They said that they cannot in fact comment and left us all with this sneaky statement:

Hopefully that will add to the magic and mythical nature of the cinematic treasure.

Don’t play with us, Universal – we live in enough uncertainty as is! Vanity Fair also reached out to Mill Film, which is the company that was in charge of the visual effects on Cats. They similarly could not confirm or deny the existence of such a cut. However, they did explain why. Apparently there are NDAs in place that forbid visual effects studios or crew members from speaking about the “creative iterations” that may have been part of films before the final cut hits big screens. All we have is this haunting concept art from the Cats bonus features:

Is the six-time Razzie winner, including “Worst Picture,” fated to go down history without living out its complete vision of Cat buttholes, or will more VFX crew members defy their NDAs and unveil the truth behind Tom Hooper’s nightmarish musical? It’s one of life’s magical mysteries, and we'll keep our eyes squarely on it.

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