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Jason Voorhees

I’ve covered movie Funko Pops, Television Funko Pops, Stephen King Funko Pops, and also The Simpsons Funko Pops. But do you want to know my true love (outside of Funko Pops in general, that is)? Horror movies! I love, love, love horror movies with my very heart and soul. It’s probably my favorite genre of film.

And Funko has been pretty good when it comes to the horror genre in general. They’ve done A Nightmare on Elm St., Friday the 13th, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. You know, all the big ones. But there are several horror movies that still haven’t been Funko-Popped yet, and this is that list. As Ash from Army of Darkness might say, “Come get some”. Oh, and note, a few spoilers ahead.

The Ring

Samara (The Ring)

I’m not afraid of a lot of things when it comes to horror, but you know what always scares the crap out of me? Little girls wearing dresses with long hair covering their faces. It gives me the absolute creeps! And between The Grudge and The Ring, I’m going with Samara from The Ring since she was the first one who really made me terrified of people with long hair.

If there was a Funko Pop of Samara, I’d want two different versions of her. One version would be of her just standing there with her hair falling down in her face, and the other would be of her crawling out of a TV. Because I’ll never forget that image, even after all these years.

Hereditary

Charlie (Hereditary)

I’m not exaggerating when I say this, but Ari Aster’s debut movie, Hereditary, is the scariest film I’ve ever seen in my entire life. The story of a demon that passes through a family and never lets them go (I know that’s not the best description of the movie, but the less you know about it going into it, the better), Hereditary is a modern day horror classic and one befitting of a Funko Pop.

If there was one made of any character, I would definitely want one of poor, poor Charlie. I know I didn’t want to spoil the plot of the movie in the last paragraph, but I need to spoil just one thing (skip to the next section if you don't want to be spoiled!). In the film, Charlie unfortunately gets decapitated, and her head is left on the side of the road. It might be morbid but that’s the Funko Pop I want for Hereditary. Charlie with her head by her feet and flies swarming around it. Hey, if Ned Stark got one, I don’t see why Charlie can’t get one, too.

Midsommar

Messed-up face woman (Midsommar)

Let’s keep on talking about Ari Aster for awhile, shall we? His sophomore effort, Midsommar, is less a horror movie and more a horror experience. Some people say it’s not even scary at all, and some people even think it’s funny! But whatever the case, the story of a young woman who loses her sister and both her parents and then goes off with her boyfriend on a summer vacation in Sweden (more like hell) definitely deserves a Funko Pop.

But a Funko Pop of who? Well, the protagonist, Dani Ardor, wearing flowers in her hair would likely be the best choice since that’s what you always see on the promotional material. But I would love one of the woman they keep showing of the destroyed face who they never actually explain throughout the entire movie. Why? Well, because it would make an interesting Funko Pop and I’d love to see how they’d pull it off and still make it adorable, as all Funko Pops tend to be.

Candyman

The Candyman (Candyman)

Don’t say his name in the mirror! Candyman, the story of a man with a hook for a hand who is brought back to earth because some dumb grad student couldn’t believe in the supernatural, will likely get a Funko Pop soon because of the new movie coming out soon, but I want one of the original Candyman, Tony Todd.

If we got a Funko Pop of Tony Todd, I want bees! Bees, bees, bees, bees, bees. Bees all over the Candyman. Coming out his mouth, crawling all over his face. Bees everywhere! Because that’s how the Candyman rolls.

The Babadook

The Babadook (The Babadook)

This movie blew up a few years ago. So much so, that the Babadook is now a horror movie icon and some people even like to ship him. with Pennywise the Clown. The story of The Babadook is mostly about trauma. After a terrible death, a single mother and her child are haunted by one Mr. Babadook after reading about him in the most messed up children’s book imaginable.

I want two versions of The Babadook (well, three if Funko would come to their senses and make a two pack with him and Pennywise with a gay pride flag border behind them). One version would be the up close, white face version, and the other would be the more shadowy version with the pointy nails and the top hat. Baba-dook-dook-dook.

The Fly

Seth Brundle (The Fly)

There are different versions of The Fly, but when I talk about the movie, I mean the 1986 David Cronenberg masterpiece, which is a remake. Seth Brundle is just your ordinary scientist who wants to teleport between one place and another, so he creates a teleportation device. But when a fly happens to get inside the device when he’s testing it out, their DNA mixes. Problems ensue!

I want two versions of Brundlefly. One of him just starting to turn into a fly, and another where he is in full fly mode, completely transformed. Because he’s an insect that dreamt he was a Funko Pop, and loved it. But now the dream is over and the insect is awake! Or something like that.

The Thing

The Thing (The Thing)

The Thing would be a really interesting Funko Pop since nobody really knows what the Thing actually looks like since it inhabits other creatures and uses their bodies as a host. The Thing is another remake, just like The Fly (The original is the movie The Thing From Another World), and it concerns researchers out in Antarctica who don’t know who to trust since the Thing could be anybody. Even you.

I would love a Funko Pop of that boss cover with the light shining over the massive head of the Funko Pop, but I’d also like one of the dog being torn asunder by the Thing, and Norris’s chest opening up with teeth inside as he’s just about to be jolted by the defibrillator. God, I love that movie. Oh, and Kurt Russell with the beard and the flamethrower would be pretty rad, too.

The Toxic Avenger

The Monster (The Toxic Avenger)

Seriously, why has the Toxic Avenger not been made into a Funko Pop yet? He’s only New Jersey’s first superhero. The Toxic Avenger is about a scrawny janitor named Melvin who falls into some toxic waste and then transforms into the Toxic Avenger. So, yeah, just your every day Monday in New Jersey (relax, I’m from New Jersey).

He’s called The Monster in the movie, so he does fit the whole horror list that I have going here. I would want him with his trademark mop and his messed up, beautiful face. Because, you know, I love the Monster!

Phantasm

The Tall Man (Phantasm)

The baddest undertaker on the planet, the Tall Man transforms the dead into dwarf zombies to wreak havoc upon the earth. What else could you possibly want?

Well, what I want is a Funko Pop of the Tall Man wearing his trademark suit and doing a People’s eyebrow with one brow raised and flying spheres at his side. Because when it comes to horror baddies, The Tall Man and Phantasm too often get left out in the cold.

Freaks

Freaks (Freaks)

Now, I always go for the most obscure, never-going-to-happen characters at the end of all of my Funko list, and Freaks, which is the story of actual circus “freaks” who end up taking revenge on a terrible woman, is that pick, since there is no way in HELL this movie would ever get Funko Popped.

I would love, love, love Funko Pops of some of the most famous performers, like the main character Hans, who was part of the “doll” family since he was so short, the Living Torso, and of course Schlitzie. I would definitely want to put all of these Funko Pops next to my other Funko Pops and then chant, “We accept them, one of us. We accept them, one of us.” Because… I don’t know. I’m weird like that.

And that’s the list. Sure, there are a whole ton of other obscure characters I would love to have a Funko Pop version of, but I didn’t want to go too crazy. Horror, as I said up top, is my favorite genre of film, and there are many more obscure Funko Pop characters that I could think of to put on this list, but I won’t since I want to leave it up to your sick, twisted imaginations. If you could pick any horror franchise that hasn’t been popped yet, what would you pick and why?

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