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40 Days and 40 Nights

How long can you last? Perhaps the real question is “how long HAVE I lasted”? I’ve gone through dry spells that would give monks fits. So forgive me if I’m not all that sympathetic towards Josh Hartnett’s character in 40 Days and 40 Nights.

Dumped by the girl of his dreams, a sexpot named Nichole, Matt Sullivan (Hartnett) swears off sex for lent. For you heathens, lent is one of those kooky religious “denial” trips where you give up something important to you, in this case, for 40 days. But Sullivan doesn’t just give up sex; he gives up ALL intimate contact, whether it be with his hand, or the lips of a beautiful woman. But of course, being a Hollywood super stud, incredibly hot women just can’t seem to stop throwing themselves at him, making his temporary vow of celibacy that much harder to uphold. If that’s not wacky enough for you, throw in some loser friends and a crazy betting pool on the Internet, just to spice it up a little.

Personally, I was rooting for the guy… rooting for him to trip down the stairs or get hit on the head with some sort of falling anvil. It’s a little hard to feel sorry for all these incredibly gorgeous people who have to wait a few days to get laid by super-models. I’ve been waiting 25 years for my supermodel, and what do I have to show for it? Nothing. But maybe I’m just bitter.

I’ll cast aside for a moment my immense inferiority complex and try to look at this objectively. Hartnett is a boob. He proved it in Pearl Harbor and he proves it again here. In all honesty, there are quite a few funny moments in this immensely overwrought film. None of them are due to ANYTHING Hartnett does. Any trained hunky monkey boy could have filled his shoes. He mostly just stands there looking cute. Attempts to seem sexually frustrated only serve to make him cuter. Aw poor guy, these girls want a threesome with him. Aw, poor fella, to many women want to have sex with him. Gee, I really hope he doesn’t break his vow… after all there would be NO CONSEQUENCES AT ALL FOR HIM DOING SO.

But then there’s the bitch… er, his love interest, Erica played by Shannyn Sossamon. She makes it all worthwhile doesn’t she? Sure, if you go into the manipulative psycho hose bag type. Her only real redeeming quality is that she’s hot. Strangely enough, she plays exactly the same manipulative devil model that she played in last years psuedo-period piece A Knight’s Tale. Perhaps it’s not really an act.

I did in a sense enjoy Matt’s wacky friends. They at least provide a welcome reverie from the day-to-day grind of Matt’s sexually charged existence. And as I said before, there are a few funny gags, mostly involving inappropriate erections. But the plot isn’t exactly water tight, and the leads aren’t particularly talented at what they are doing, which I assume is supposed to be some sort of acting.

I suppose 40 Days and 40 Nights is good for a few laughs. Those of you who live the Hartnett “hot babe a minute” lifestyle will especially get a nice kick out of it. For those of us who don’t, 40 days without supermodel sex is called LIFE.