That 70s Show Characters, Ranked By Who I'd Share 4/20 With

Today is 4/20, a bonafide holiday for anyone who likes to partake in all things marijuana-related, such as marijuana. Lots of it. And given that the pot-fueled celebrations started in the 1970s, there’s no better TV show to spend today with than one of the most high-minded sitcoms out there: That 70s Show.

Because The Circle will never die, we’re packing some of the biggest bowls imaginable and rounding up the 10 That 70s Show characters that we’d most want to spend 4/20 with. All of the main crew has been invited, although not the short-lived characters like the fluffy-headed Randy Pearson or the über-douche Casey Kelso, both of whom I’d just want to spill bong water all over.


10. Fez

As there are far more goofy stereotypes of “foreigners” than there are legitimate representations, Fez was always a little too out there for me. That said, I would presumably take advantage of his over-the-top style and, as we were getting blazed, pick and choose entries from a book of American idioms to see what he thinks they mean. Hilarity ensues.


9. Donna

I like Donna a lot, both for her unadulterated sarcasm and for her lovely ginger looks. But when it comes to having a smoke sesh, Donna seems like the kind of person who would take a couple of hits and then would fall asleep ten minutes into a movie. This is perfectly fine behavior when a “more for me” mentality is the optimal one, but not so much when I’m looking to spend the day with someone. Although if she’s not like that, all the better.


8. Bob

Fuck yeah, Bob. With his unencumbered fro and an undefinable fashion sense, Bob is the kind of “friend’s dad” that was a winner on every level, because he wasn’t my dad. While under a hazy influence, I bet Bob would be good for a few hundred corny jokes, as well as a freezer full of microwavable junk food. And if I play my cards right, he might break out the old banjo and take requests.


7. Kelso

Everybody’s got a friend that can’t seem to help saying the dumbest things that have ever been uttered, and that’s Kelso’s strong suit. (Besides attracting the shit out of good-looking ladies.) As such, Kelso would be the perfect person to spend a non-shopping day at the mall with, breezily sashaying from one store to the next and making blindly slanderous and mildly lecherous comments about everyone around us. But absolutely no conversations about Jackie.


6. Jackie

The That 70s Show character that is more bubbly than the biggest bong hit, Jackie would be the kind of smoke buddy that I would try out my worst comedic material on, since I’m pretty sure she would laugh at anything. (It’s like a reverse Bob scenario.) I’d foresee an afternoon of riding around town with the windows down, blaring music and yelling along to it. But absolutely no conversations about Kelso. Or Hyde. Or Fez.


5. Red

This one is definitely a risk, as Red is far more known for angrily yelling and calling people dumbasses over letting loose and having a good time. And that, of course, would be the precise reason why I’d want to get him wall-eyed. With Red, I think eating a batch of weed brownies would be optimal, so that we could sit in his front yard all day long, and I could listen to him talk shit on everyone that passes by.


4. Eric

Even though Eric can be kind of a lump at different points of the show, his personality and sense of humor fit right in with mine at the teenage level. I’d think a trip to Fun Land would be in order, even if he isn’t depressed, because nothing goes better with weed than amusement park rides and games…and probably the food. Although if he just wanted to kick back and have a Star Wars marathon while acting out all the parts, I’d be fine with that.


3. Kitty

Kitty is one of the best TV moms out there, and my urge to get blazed with her is in large part due to Debra Jo Rupp’s amazing laugh, which is more infectious than anything she’s dealt with as a nurse. I also greedily have a feeling that the higher Kitty gets, the more elaborate meals she might make. So if we’d be spending the day together, I’m all about a hilarious lunch bleeding into a hilarious dinner. And I’m pretty sure I could get some insanely embarrassing stories about Red’s past.


2. Hyde

Hyde reminds me a lot of a good friend that I went to high school with (not in the 1970s) and spent some de-formative years with thereafter. If only he would have been able to curse and voice extremely obscene situations, Hyde would have been a perfect facsimile. He’s definitely the most easy-going of all the younger characters, and one whose blitzed-out conversational skills would head to more interesting places, assuming he doesn’t freak out and think that I’m him in costume.


1. Leo

Leo has got to be the obvious choice here, as he’s played by Tommy Chong, who is as much a poster child for the stoner lifestyle as anyone. But even if we’re just going by the character itself, Leo is also the show’s biggest toker, and I bet he gets access to mindblowing product that the rest of these characters could only have dream sequences about. Plus, I bet he would fall for the old “You lit the wrong side of the pipe” joke at least once. And Tim Reid’s record shop owner W.B. is always welcome.

Nick Venable
Assistant Managing Editor

Nick is a Cajun Country native, and is often asked why he doesn't sound like that's the case. His love for his wife and daughters is almost equaled by his love of gasp-for-breath laughter and gasp-for-breath horror. A lifetime spent in the vicinity of a television screen led to his current dream job, as well as his knowledge of too many TV themes and ad jingles.