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We had a great thing going, once, didn’t we Bones? Your first few episodes showed me a quirky procedural with plenty of promise, and over the years you showed me how a procedural can also invest in character-driven plotlines, with relationship stories for Booth and Bones and Angela and Hodgins. You showed me heartbreak when Dr. Zack Addy lost his way and you showed me care for the fans when you refused to kill off favorite character Cam, even when the script initially had her dying.
I’ve stuck with you, Bones, through nearly half a dozen big baddies. I’ve stuck with you even when you killed off the show’s best squint, and even after that, when my favorite characters dealt with the aftermath of the loss of that squint. I cried when Sweet’s and co. sang Harry Nilsson’s “Coconut.” But I think that may have been your pinnacle, Bones, and I’m neither crying nor laughing with you anymore.
The truth is, I don’t think you and I can meet on a weekly basis for one week longer. I’ve sat through enough nonsense with Pelant, the lonely computer geek whom everyone has had ample opportunity to put behind bars for most of last season. He might find the cast interesting, but despite the fact that he’s been the big bad guy all through last season and into this season, he’s never piqued my interest, nor has he piqued the interest of most of the people I know who also watch the show. I’m not saying that to hurt your feelings, Bones, but you really need to know.
There are also so many little things that I could ignore in seasons past that bother me, now. It used to be cute to have some interoffice romance, but now that three main cast members are partnered up with three other important cast members, things have gotten pretty weird. Plus, Sweets and Daisy were even dating for a while. I get that people meet in the office a lot of times, but the number of partnerships you have offered is unbelievable. Additionally, it used to be convenient to see technology work at a rapid pace, even though the show’s science is frequently not sound or would take much longer to be a viable method of achieving results in real life. I used to not mind Angela because she could be a mix of catty and devoted, but now that she’s married, she’s a lot whinier and still oddly flirty with other men.
When it comes down to it, though, Season 8 is really where you went off the rails, partially because of Pelant, but also partially because you have no idea where you are going anymore. Everyone’s happily married, but instead of quietly settling into a nice procedural routine, you have to constantly invent drama to keep up with the personal storylines. I get it. The writers get bored of just writing the procedural stuff each week, but you are always better when you solve the case at the end of the episode. You were also better when you weren’t plugging other Fox shows during the tenure of your episode. Whatever executive thought up having Hodgins say “I hope we DVR’d Sleepy Hollow” should be forced to eat twinkies until he barfs, which should mimic how audiences felt when that line came out of the show’s best asset’s mouth on Monday night.
I used to be excited when you aired each week, Bones. I used to feel like I was part of a club that adored your little show. You used to make me feel that a procedural could be something special. But not anymore. I'm sure you still have your fans, but you and I just can't continue this twisted relationship any longer.
So, thanks for all the good hurrahs and thanks for giving me a few oddballs to identify with for a few years. You were good for a while, Bones, but I’m not sure there’s any way for you to get back on track, and I’m not sure you’d want to, anyway.
Your former biggest fan,
P.S. Not that I'll be watching, but it might help a little if you cut out the Public Service Announcements at the end of some of your episodes.