If you have a two-pronged fetish for older women and classic 1980s sitcoms, or even just a passing fascination with song parodies that lead to hardcore sex, then you’re going to love the opening theme song to the porn parody This Ain’t the Golden Girls XXX. The video is NSFW, because although there isn’t any nudity or anything, it’s the kind of clip you don’t want blasting out of your computer speakers with anyone but friends around.
How spectacular was that? I mean, I don’t think they got “Weird” Al Yankovic to come in and ghostwrite that theme or anything, but it’s pretty brilliant anyway, and it should be the only ringtone allowed at assisted living facilities around the country. I have trouble believing I could make it through singing “Granny pussy don’t mean it’s the end,” without giggling and ruining the take every single time. Smart of them to not call me up to sing this. Or star in it.
It’s been a while since I’ve seen The Golden Girls, but it seems like that that comparison between coffee creamer and sperm was actually on one of the episodes. Maybe not. That might have been on one of Betty White’s other shows.
I’m not saying that porn parodies have to necessarily keep up with the times or anything, but The Golden Girls is kind of a weirdly dated TV show to spoof. I guess it’s more about the concept of having four older-than-normal porn stars coming together for quality assurance’s sake, and you can’t get much more classy in the porn field than Nina Hartley, Darla Crane, Luna Azul and Karen Summer. (The latter is downright frightening as Estelle Getty’s Sophia, but I guess that’s kind of the point.) I’d love to know what Rue McClanahan would have thought of this. We know Blanche would have championed it.
Say what you want about society and the world at large, but it’s been a pretty spectacular time for porn parodies. Some of our favorite TV shows, such as Bob’s Burgers, are getting them, and the boob-filled subgenre has even adapted to the comic book world, with versions of Guardians of the Galaxy and Batman v Superman. It may not be high art, but it’s certainly art that’s great when you’re high.
If you’re in the mood for fucking a friend, you can drop some hard-earned money down for This Ain’t the Golden Girls XXX over at Hustler.
Nick is a Cajun Country native, and is often asked why he doesn't sound like that's the case. His love for his wife and daughters is almost equaled by his love of gasp-for-breath laughter and gasp-for-breath horror. A lifetime spent in the vicinity of a television screen led to his current dream job, as well as his knowledge of too many TV themes and ad jingles.
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