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When we ended season 3, nothing made any sense. Callie was made Chief Resident over Bailey, Meredith and Derek broke up, Izzie fell in love with George, and Burke left Cristina at the alter—okay, that last one I totally get. Anyway, it’s season premiere time. Onward and upward.
We immediately learn from Meredith’s superfluous and grating VO that today’s episode is brought to you by the letter “C.” “C” stands for “change.” As in, there are a lot of changes underfoot for the gang: They’re residents and they get to be mini Bailey’s and boss around their very own interns! Cristina is mean, Karev is dismissive, Izzie is scared and Meredith can’t stop talking about herself. See, even when things change, they stay the same. Like how George is still totally an intern because he failed the exam.
Guess who else is an intern? Lexie! Who’s Lexie? Well, she just happens to be the hot girl from the bar who hit on Derek in the season finale. Also, Meredith’s sister. Also, the new bane of my existence.
Trauma time: There’s a massive car accident caused by a deer. Arriving at the hospital are a guy with a messed up knee who becomes Alex’s patient, a pregnant woman missing an arm, who Meredith gets, and a dead guy. Except, wait—the dead guy totally isn’t dead at all, so Cristina gets him. That leaves Izzie and her interns with nothing to do, and since they already kind of hate her, that’s not a good turn of events.
Also not good is how Lexie chooses the middle of a major trauma scene to introduce herself to Meredith. She’s totally blocking the entrance to the hospital and will not shut up. If I were the pregnant lady, I would take my arm stump and smack both her and Meredith across the face. This is a hospital, people!
After Lexie finally shuts her face, Meredith tells George how “the dopey wide-eyed one” is her sister. Heh. Oh my God, Meredith said something awesome. Am I totally on Team Meredith now? I hate Meredith! But I guess the enemy of my enemy is my friend—or whatever.
Anyway, something is seriously wrong with the (not) dead guy and Lexie is dispatched to find Shepherd. There’s a really awkward confrontation in which Meredith, Derek and Lexie find out who everyone is. My notes from this scene read, “Lexie: Shut up, shut up, shut up. Girl from the bar, blah blah blah.”
Patient roundup: The (not) dead guy’s skull is no longer attached to his spine. He has, in effect, been internally decapitated. The pregnant lady is scared because she’s having this baby alone and as such, would like to have two arms. Luckily, a little boy and his dad come in with the missing appendage and Sloan determines it can be reattached. The guy with the busted knee keeps complaining about being hungry, but no one pays attention to him, so he starts eating cotton balls and binder clips. The dude totally has Pica, which is pretty much my favorite disease.
The dad and the little boy who brought in the arm also brought in another victim from the car crash. Izzie gets all excited, thinking her interns will have something to do now. Unfortunately, the victim is the deer who started this entire mess. The kid wants to save it, but the dad wants to take it home and make Bambi stew. Izzie, having gone completely insane from being alone for 17 days when everyone else at Seattle Grace was on vacation, starts performing surgery.
Izzie isn’t the only one who’s been lonely lately. Derek has been asking everybody in the hospital if they want to go have a drink with him. Nobody does. He even asks Cristina who says she doesn’t like him. She asks about Burke, and he tells her that Burke put in his two weeks notice, uh, two weeks ago, so he’s gone. Well, I guess that’s over.
Moving right along. Izzie finally gets to confront George about not speaking to her. There’s a misunderstanding where he gets pissed because he thinks she’s calling him Bambi, but Izzie explains that actually she’s Bambi? And she’s alone in the woods? And somebody shot her mother? I don’t know. George looks as confused as I do. Izzie has completely lost it, y’all.
Meanwhile, Alex is grumbling about taking care of knee guy, since he’s not even surgical. Fortunately for Alex, knee guy starts choking on all of the crap he ate. Unfortunately for Alex, the facial hair he grew on his hiatus is gross.
Commercials: The preview for Dan in Real Life looked like fun—until Dane Cook. Also, those new Old Navy sweaters are completely fug. The song is cute, though not cute enough to convince me that grown women should be wearing clothing with puff balls.
Izzie is in a pickup truck using shock paddles on the deer. I’m not an expert, but wouldn’t using those paddles in a metal truck bed kill everyone or something? In any case, she saves the deer. The kid is happy. Izzie is insane.
In human patient news, the (not) dead guy is still not dead, Pica guy has a bunch of change and other items removed from his stomach and pregnant lady gives birth on the operating table. George delivers the baby, who appears to be rocket-propelled, as the entire process takes about 20 seconds.
While Bailey is operating on Pica guy, the chief corners her and tells her that he chose Callie to be Chief Resident because he doesn’t want Bailey to be bogged down with paperwork. I guess he means well, but it comes off as really condescending.
Sloan confronts Derek in the hallway and tells him that he didn’t move to Seattle to get Addison back; he moved to Seattle to get Derek back. He misses him. The only thing that would make this better would be if they started to make out. Sloan invites Derek out for drinks. Do it Derek! Lower those inhibitions and make this show awesome again! Go McSteam and Dream!
Echoes of the Season 3 premiere as Meredith is caught in the hall and has to choose between two people. This time it’s Derek and Lexie. As always, she chooses Derek. Ha. Suck it, Lexie. Meredith officially breaks up with Derek, which of course leads to sex. As it does.
Alex and Cristina have a nice moment where he admits he misses Rebecca and she admits she misses Burke. Aww.
George has his own “aww” moment when Lexie tells the interns about how he delivered a baby today. He becomes king of the interns.
Speaking of George, apparently the adoration of his colleagues has bolstered his courage. He knocks on Izzie’s door and says “I love you too.” Nooooooooooooooooooooooooo.
Next week: Sex and mockery. Alex is attacked. George and Callie’s marriage is over. Oh, and Burke may be gone, but Mama’s here.