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It’s been eight years since the How I Met Your Mother's Marshall came to New York and it sure has changed. Now, the city is full of homogenized streets, Starbucks, banks, and fast food joints. And sadly, it’s not the only thing that’s changed. Our sweet, funny Marshall has lost both all of his cuteness and idealism. I know. I’ll grab some tissues for you.
Marshall has had absolutely no luck in securing an environmental law job. Interview after interview he gets more and more depressed. So much so that he will now leave the house and go out to eat in his underwear. The gang calls it his “underwear radius” and while a normal person’s ranges from the bedroom to the bathroom, or occasionally the living room, Marshall’s has reached out to cover all of New York. Apparently this is because he has zero self-esteem. But what do you do if you want to help your friend but don’t know how?
If you’re Barney, you offer to help secure a job at the bank your company newly acquired. Who wouldn’t want to work for Goliath National Bank? I mean, according to Barney, they offer free online payment plans and a 3.3% APR for savings accounts! I know what you’re thinking…awesome! But not everyone thinks it’s that great, Lily in particular. So the bank is out and there’s nothing to do but go the bar and get some comfort food.
But comfort food doesn’t work if it tastes like your Grandpa’s feet and according to Marshall that’s what every hamburger in the past eight years has tasted like. Turns out that during his first week in the city, Marshall was too scared to leave the apartment so Ted finally made him one day. And it wasn’t scary at all. In fact, that was the day Marshall had the best burger in New York. But when he tried to take Ted, he couldn’t remember his way and throughout the past eight years, he hasn’t been able to find the small burger joint with a green door and a red neon sign. He’s tried every supposedly great burger in the city and nothing. Even Regis, who had an autographed photo on the wall, couldn’t remember where this joint was and he’s been searching ever since, too. Well, if Regis loves it that’s good enough for me.
So instead of staying at the bar and eating the gang sets out to find the mythical burger joint. Too bad for Robin, who’s been doing the cleanse for two days and is starving. But it turns out she has walked past that same green door and red sign a million times so they take off to enjoy the best burger in the biggest city. But when they get there, Marshall takes one bite and knows it’s not the right place. When they talk to the waitress, she says the restaurant was based on another one uptown. So before they can eat, they’re off to find the real burger joint.
They must be on the right track because the same guy is on the corner pushing a strip joint and this place is right between a sex store and a taxidermist office. But just the gang rushes around the corner, they see an ATM where the door should be. But this isn’t just any ATM, it’s a Goliath National Bank ATM, one of 9000 convenient locations as Barney points out. And just as Lily is loudly damning the new ATM for sucking the soul out of New York, Marshall stops her to make an announcement. He has a job. And not just any job but a job in the law department of…Goliath National Bank. Yup, Barney’s bank. And the only reason he’s been talking it up so much is so Lily would be happy for Marshall when she finally heard the news. Even though he isn’t doing what he dreamed of, there’s good pay and good benefits at good old GNB and Marshall’s happy to have a reason to wear pants again. Big hugs all around. But they still haven’t found the burger joint.
But then, remember that guy pushing a strip joint. He has a hot tip: the burger joint didn’t close, it just moved. And finally, finally, Marshall found his burger joint and once again enjoyed the best burger in New York. Only this time it’s better because he’s able to share it with all his friends. Everybody awww. Come on, you know you want to.
I only have one question: Is Stella actually watching her child?
P.S. – Read below and imagine Barney singing the following GNB theme song with a love usually reserved for babies’ lullabies.
We’ll be on your side when you need a friend
Through thick and thin, you can always depend
On the world leaders in credit and banking
Goliath national bank, member FDIC
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