TV Recap: The Hills – Speechless in Las Vegas

It’s kind of hard for things to happen in Vegas and stay in Vegas when you’ve got an army of cameramen following you around so your vaguely real life can be turned into compelling dramedy. Lauren & Co.’s surprise birthday visit to Brody in the Palms (I too was expecting Trishelle to make an appearance plugging her latest camped-out film), though, was all about what didn’t happen, or, more specifically, what wasn’t said. J-B gave Lauren, Lo, and Jill the silent treatment with absolutely no effort, as if he were lacing up his combat boots or pushing the grimy hair out of his face, you know, any of those everyday J-B activities that involve no exertion on his part, and all the exertion on our parts just to muster up the energy not to squirm while watching it.

Lauren maintained her cool as J-B shunned her and her friends even after they all bought him a shot (Isn’t it ironic that Lauren is now on the other side of sending over drinks after having sent back Speidi’s liquid peace offerings?). After two nights of alleged craziness (all we got to see of the supposed out-of-control partying was Lo drunkenly showing her “Britney,” Lauren’s brilliant word for, well, you know), J-B never broke the unofficial vow of silence, prompting an awkward confrontation between Lo, Lauren, and Audrina who sarcastically responded to Lo and Lauren’s totally justified Justin-Bobby complaints. Lo’s tendency to speak what little is in her mind couldn’t have been more useful. Little things really do come in big packages when it comes to Lo’s cognitive hold on drama.

After she fled, Lauren was left alone with Brody, who had shared a more-than-friendly birthday kiss with her earlier in the night. Frankie (Brody’s replacement for Spencer, who, by the way, will always hold a spot in Brody’s heart) played matchmaker for Lauren, insisting that she take a look at the genuine chemistry between her and Brody. Brody tried to look at all sides of the J-B issue with Lauren as they romantically argued. The sparks were as bright as the Vegas skyline as the two cuddled away the evening, but, judging from riveting previews for the new season (um, I wasn’t aware that this one ever ended), the sparks are more like the fleeting Jordin kind.

Juxtaposed with the wildness of Vegas, Speidi’s one-year anniversary dinner may have seemed low-key, but the mood was tense. Still frustrated over the promotion snub (and rightfully so), Elodie quit her job at Bolthouse before agreeing to fill-in for Heidi on the night of her anniversary dinner, knowing she’d no longer have any obligation to Bolthouse. Heidi was shocked when she got the call to show up for work during dinner, and Spencer was downright enraged, sporting one of his evilest looks to date. Gremlins 3: The Engagement hits theatres soon, right before Spencer tells his parents about the wedding.