FOX celebrates the 100th episode of House with morality tales galore. The first of which involves a respected cancer researcher who decides saving lives is overrated, so she joins the kitchen crew of an obnoxious chef instead. As a reward for her smart career choice, she collapses from a collapsed lung over chopped onions. The PPH diagnostic team is excited to get her back where she belongs (obviously not realizing that she thinks she belongs behind a stove). House, on the other hand, is more concerned over why the hospital’s elevator is out of service (the priorities of a cripple supersede those of a doctor any day of the week, especially one as miserable as our Gregory). But why does the lift seem to be working for everyone else?
The new case isn’t all that intriguing until Foreman points out that Dr. Feelgood doesn’t have a history of any of the common causes of spontaneous pneumothorax, such as COPD (chronic obstructive pulmonary disease), smoking, or recent scuba diving; also, her O2 stats kept dropping even after the insertion of a chest tube. Taub thinks the lung symptoms could be secondary to another ailment, like cystic fibrosis or cancer. Thirteen is more optimistic and suggests allergy-induced asthma. House gives in and takes the case – he orders steroids and a CT scan.
Tests rule out asthma. The patient had a uterine myoma (fibroid) removed eight months prior and Taub suggests the central IV during surgery might have cut a hole near her lung that expanded. Kutner notices increased interstitial markings on the lung CT indicating possible fibrosis. House orders a biopsy. In between all this doctoring, the team argues over whether Dr. Feelgood’s departure from medicine right at the cusp of finding a cure for retinoblastoma was the right thing to do. Choosing her own life over those of her patients disappoints Taub, Thirteen, and Kutner, but Foreman understands. The integrity of his Huntingdon’s trial is secondary to his girlfriend’s health and that’s why he switched Thirteen’s drugs without blinking an eye.
Right as Taub is about to perform the lung biopsy, Dr. Feelgood don’t feel so good – she complains of an unusual sensation in her abdomen and Taub finds her belly is full of blood. An ultrasound traces the cause of the hemorrhage to her liver but an MRI is clean. Foreman sees what looks like a small tumor and Thirteen suggests blastomycosis (a fungal infection) as the cause. After stumbling over a tripwire stretched across the doorway to his office, House tells the team to confirm Thirteen’s diagnosis by putting a piece of Feelgood’s lung tissue under black light to see if it glows. As the team leaves, House stops Foreman. Ever-observant of everything around him, House knows that Foreman must have switched Thirteen’s drugs – based on the things he says, the way he looks at her, and the extra turn of Thirteen’s head to see the MRI. Looks like her peripheral vision is shot, a side effect of the experimental drug.
Foreman gets freaked out and chases Thirteen down to conduct an impromptu eye test. When she fails, he confesses that he put her on the drug after switching out her placebo. Then it’s Thirteen’s turn to freak out when she realizes what Foreman is willing to put on the line just for her. She immediately breaks up with him. He doesn’t seem all that fazed and insists she get an MRI.
Dr. Feelgood’s MRI is clean. Foreman visits her to give her the results and notices some blood on the side of her face. She’s been complaining of severe itching. It’s gotten so bad she’s been scratching in her sleep. But scratching so hard she pierces her skin, skull, and brain? Ooooh, that’s not right.
Taub performs emergency surgery. No brain damage occurred. House thinks Dr. Feelgood’s itching might not be in her skin after all but in her brain; he orders yet another MRI, this time of Feelgood’s head. He turns around to grab his cane. And it’s gone. What is going on with House’s luck this week? Well, it’s nothing to do with luck and everything to do with a pissed off Cuddy. She blames House for chasing off Cameron and forcing her to return to work, leaving baby Joy II at home with the nanny. And you don’t get between a lioness and her cub. Later, she poses as House’s wife to get the heat and electricity in his apartment cut off.
During Thirteen’s MRI, Foreman sees something he really doesn’t like. House confronts him and finds out Thirteen has a tumor in her optic chiasm. Foreman wants to ask the drug company if any other trial participants experienced the same symptom. House talks some sense into him before he loses his medical license. Instead, Foreman visits Thirteen’s apartment to check on her. He finds her sitting on her couch with a gash in her leg. She tripped over the table because she can’t see! (Insert old school soap opera organ music crescendo here.)
Feelgood’s MRI is, of course, negative. If it’s not the brain, then the itching could be caused by polyneuropathy (malfunctioning peripheral nerves). House orders Taub and Kutner to administer electric shocks to Feelgood’s body to re-boot her nervous system. But before they can, Feelgood already feels a jolt. The random electrical sensation could be a sign of a spinal hemangioma (benign tumor on the spine). Yet another scan reveals a mass. Or two. Or six. Feelgood has tumors everywhere, indicative of mesothelioma.
Wilson is called in to give his expertise and perform a biopsy. Earlier in the episode, he had expressed his disgust to Dr. Feelgood for ditching the field he loves so much. Or maybe it’s the field he’s become trapped in, like the stagnant life he’s living. She helps him see that he doesn’t have to pine over his dead girlfriend anymore. Or, at the very least, he can get it together enough to rearrange her apartment and wipe her lipstick from the rim of a coffee cup. During the biopsy, Feelgood starts to bleed – it’s not mesothelioma. As Wilson is giving the bad news to House and Taub, Feelgood goes into cardiac arrest. Her pericardium has filled with blood and is smothering her heart. Kutner inserts a needle to drain the blood, but then she starts to bleed from every orifice. What the hell?!
House visits Thirteen at home and discovers that she’s blind. She tells him that Foreman is on his way to the drug company to confess. House understands that Foreman’s love is making him really stupid right now, but he tells Thirteen that if she loves him at all in return she’ll stop her man before it’s too late. She calls him and he returns home. At PPH, House helps Foreman operate on Thirteen and irradiate her tumor.
Cuddy spent the episode pulling House’s pigtails in the schoolyard (sounds kinda dirty, right?), and now she feels guilty for stooping to his usual level. She gives him back his cane and apologizes. House responds by being a dick and blaming her behavior on her time of the month – if I had a dollar for every time some chauvinistic pig unjustly called out my bad mood as a byproduct of my period… Eureka!
House diagnoses Dr. Feelgood with ectopic endometriosis: when she was getting her fibroid removed the surgeons inadvertently cut through her uterine wall, sending endometrial tissue flowing through her vessels. The cells settled in and around different areas of her body and became engorged during her menstrual cycle. So when her uterus bled, so did her heart, liver, lungs, nose, mouth, eyes… By far, THE WORST PERIOD EVER!
During recovery, Dr. Feelgood imparts her last bit of wisdom to Taub. She’s still proud of the decision she made to leave cancer research behind because her piano lessons, art class, and cooking ensure that she goes to bed happy every night. Taub contemplates his own happiness which may or may not involve having a baby with his loving and very forgiving wife.
Foreman makes certain he can rest easy by confessing his actions to the drug company and getting booted from the trial. But no worries: he keeps his medical license, Thirteen gets back her sight, and they wake up the next morning beside each other.
Next Week: It’s either ebony or ivory when House gives the lovebirds an ultimatum. Plus, a man of the cloth loses his religion…and his big toe.
