While this trailer isn’t exactly NSFW or anything, I’d advise you to consider not watching it, both because it’s pretty terrible and because it gives away a good portion of the film’s plot. You've been warned!

Just a few minutes ago, I was sitting at my office chair, getting ready to watch the new trailer for Brian De Palma’s, Passion, which will finally be coming out in a few months. And I am currently sitting in that same chair. But for about a minute-and-a-half, I was transported back to the living room at my childhood home, pausing my channel-flipping long enough to pay attention to whatever movie was airing on USA’s Up All Night. All that was missing was Gilbert Gottfried, hollering before and after the commercials. Sadly, it wasn’t a tangible trip through time. It was just an extremely overwrought exercise in misinterpreting what makes something provocative.

Hearing about the film inspired no excitement. A remake of an unamazing French movie, Love Crime, that trades in two stellar actresses for a good one and an average one? That’s a raincheck I don’t mind signing. But still, it’s De Palma, and it’s Rachel McAdams. That should mean something! And McAdams joins Noomi Rapace in a make-out session or two. You see how that didn’t elicit much of a tingle? I realize it may sound like I’m only speaking to straight males and lesbians, but I don’t see how that would get a positive response from straight women or gay men either. It seems destined for, oh I don’t know, late-night cable TV. De Palma seems have created an elixir of the sleaziest film from each decade of his career, and then dumped a bunch of tap water into it.

Passion centers on the strange relationship between Christine, McAdams’ upscale businesswoman and Isabelle, Rapace’s power-hungry protégé. Christine has almost everything she wants at her fingertips and decides to take Isabelle along for an up-and-down ride to the top, but with intentions that are far from sincere. It’s a game of seduction, blindfolds, dominance and illicit videos. There’s also Dirk (Paul Anderson), the third angle on their sexual triangle. There’s murder! Or is there? Probably not, if that last scene has anything to do with it.

From the flat line readings to the whispered line readings to the repeated bass drops in the soundtrack, there isn’t much going on here to look forward to. I'm starting to think De Palma's libido hopped out of his body and edited this thing. Of course, when all is said and done, watching an ice queen McAdams act like a bitch for 105 minutes doesn’t sound too taxing. For me, anyway.

Passion will leave theaters dripping with lust when it releases on August 30, 2013.


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