The Top 100 TV Finales Listed And Spoiled In A Single Sentence

By Jesse Carp 2012-09-10 22:41:50 discussion comments
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Everybody loves, or loves to hate, a good listicle. Some of them are subjective, well, most of them are subjective, especially since the majority of them lead with titles like 'best,' but there are those that skew towards the objective. Nitpicking arguments aside (inflation, number of screens), posts about the tops at the box office or TV ratings tend to sway toward the factual.

Listicles are also, however, always in flux, since superhero teams fighting on summer screens can instantly shake things up, not to mention the endless stream of series' coming and going on the small screen. The Big Spoiler blog, one man's quest to write a thousand words a day for a thousand days, posted an article a few days past that not only listed the most up to date top 100 series finales (by number of viewers) but also decided to throw in a ten word spoiler for each concluding installment. The author does have a quota to make after all, even if ten words doesn't always afford 'Marty' the chance to fully tie up every character thread.

The list is still an amusing read that reminds me of the book "90 Classic Books for People in a Hurry" by Henrik Lange, a comic (in all senses of the word) text that spoils literary tentpoles in 4 strips. If you want to check out the entire 100 entries, the list is full of surprises, both in terms of what made the cut (Highway to Heaven) and what didn't (Buffy The Vampire Slayer). The top ten are included below. SPOILERS. Obviously.

#10 – Home Improvement – 35.5 million: Final “Tool Time” episode; Al gets married. Fuck this show.
#9 – Family Ties – 36.3 million: Alex gets his dream job in New York; Elyse grieves.
#8 – All In The Family – 40.2 million: Edith sick, doesn’t tell Archie; Archie professes his devotion… spin-off!
#7 – The Cosby Show – 44.4 million: Denise pregnant; Theo graduates NYU; Cliff finally fixes the doorbell.
#6 – The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson – 50.0 million: No guests, friends and family audience, Johnny reflects, gets emotional.
#5 – Roseanne – 52.4 million: It was all fiction; Dan’s dead; screw you, loyal audience!
#4 – Friends – 52.5 million: No more apartment, Ross, Rachel together (of course!). Ugh. Joey.
#3 – Seinfeld – 76.3 million: Gang arrested for being assholes; many cameos; off to jail.
#2 – Cheers – 84.4 million: Diane returns! Another wedding? Sam chooses his love: the bar.
#1 – M*A*S*H – 105.9 million: Klinger stays, Mulcahey deaf, Hawkeye hallucinates a chicken. Peace! Goodbye.

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