The Indiana Jones franchise is one of the most successful film series of all time (a series that is all available with a Disney+ subscription). It's not just the fun adventures and moments, or Harrison Ford's rugged good looks. A big part of what sets Raiders of the Lost Ark, The Temple of Doom, The Last Crusade, The Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull, and The Dial of Destiny apart is the quippy, brilliant lines.
There are some great one-liners that pepper all five movies, so I decided I needed to talk about some of my favorites. This list is hardly every great line in the movies, that would be a list dozens and dozens of entries deep. Still, here are some of my favorite lines in the Indiana Jones franchise.
It Belongs In A Museum!
Maybe the most famous line in the movies comes from The Last Crusade. Both the young Indy, played by River Phoenix, and the older Dr. Jones (Ford) deliver the line at different times.
He no nuts. He's crazy!
The great Ke Huy Quan stole a lot of scenes in The Temple of Doom with his lines, like this one when Indy, Willie (Kate Capshaw), and Short Round (Quan) are on the rope bridge just before Indy cuts the rope.
I'm like a bad penny, I always turn up.
There may be no better quote that sums up Harrison Ford's iconic character than this one delivered in The Last Crusade. He always seems to be there, even when his enemies count him out.
Sallah, I said NO camels. That's FIVE camels. Can't you count?
Sallah, played by John Rhys-Davies, is one of Indy's most trusted allies throughout the series. Of course, he doesn't always listen to what Indy says, but he always comes through in a pinch.
Oh, my friends! I'm so pleased you're not dead!
Sallah is always one of the most positive characters, like his genuine reaction when the worst doesn't happen to Indy and his cohorts.
It tells me, that goose-stepping morons like yourself should try READING books instead of BURNING them!
Sean Connery was, of course, so much more than just James Bond, as The Last Crusade helps prove. Delivery lines like this to terrible Germans in the '30s are the kind of enduring quote that everyone likes to go back to.
I hate snakes, Jock! I hate 'em!
One thing is for certain: while Indiana Jones is almost fearless, there is one thing that gets to him over and over: snakes. We learn that right in the beginning of the first movie, Raiders of the Lost Ark, when his pilot Jock brings his pet snake along for the ride.
You want to be a good archaeologist... you've got to get out of the library!
Another recurring theme with Dr. Jones' teaching style is that you can't be a great archaeologist by only teaching. He emphasizes this while crashing through a library on campus on a motorcycle in Crystal Skull.
Hey, Dr. Jones, no time for love. We've got company.
The Temple of Doom isn't many people's favorite Indiana Jones movie, but this line from Short Round has proved to be among the most enduring of the whole series.
Fly? Yes. Land? No.
As Indy and his father, Henry, escape the German dirigible in The Last Crusade, Henry is surprised to learn that his son knows how to fly. Indy admits he can fly, but the landing may be a little dicey.
Listen, Herr Mac, I don't know what kind of people you're used to dealing with, but nobody tells me what to do in my place.
Marion (Karen Allen) is a woman who stands up for herself, even when it's in her bar in the middle of nowhere, Nepal. It never quite made sense why she would own a bar there, beyond the hand-waving reason. But she isn't going to take any nonsense.
Our situation has not improved.
Henry Jones was never as adventurous as his daring son, so when he ends up in some sticky predicaments with Indy in The Last Crusade, there are a few times he has to level with his son. Connery's delivery of this line is perfect.
If you think I'm going to Delhi with you, or anyplace else after all the trouble you've gotten me into, think again, buster! I'm going home to Missouri where they never feed you snakes before ripping your heart out and lowering you into hot pits! This is NOT my idea of a swell time!
Willie Scott isn't my favorite character in the series, if I'm honest. Kate Capshaw is great, but the character is poorly written, except for this gem of a line. Plus, when I was a kid, I thought since I was also from Missouri and my last name is Scott, maybe I was related to Willie!
This is not an adventure, Sallah. Those days have come and gone.
In the (so far) final installment of the series, The Dial of Destiny, Indy admits that he believes his adventuring days are over after Sallah gets excited for one more. We're all grateful we got one more, even if the film didn't live up to the earlier ones. It was still great.
He's got a two-day head start on you, which is more than he needs. Brody's got friends in every town and village from here to the Sudan; he speaks a dozen languages, knows every local custom, he'll blend in, disappear, you'll never see him again. With any luck, he's got the grail already.
Brody, played by the late, great Denholm Elliott, wasn't exactly who Indy described here.
Feels like I step on fortune cookie!
One thing that Temple of Doom does to its detriment is that it tries to recreate some of the more iconic scenes from Raiders, like replacing snakes with bugs to gross out the audience. It certainly does that, but the scene still feels derivative. However, this line from Short Round is a classic, if a little dated, to say the least.
It's not the years, honey, it's the mileage.
Indy has lived a rough and tumble life, and he knows it. Waking up isn't quite as easy as it was when he was a younger man. And this was at the beginning of the series in Raiders!
He chose...poorly
One of the most enduring lines of the whole series came towards the end of the first trilogy in The Last Crusade after the German drinks from the wrong grail. Admit it, you've probably used this line a lot in your own life.
Well, Jones, at least you haven't forgotten how to show a lady a good time.
Indy does a lot of things to piss Marion off, but she has to admit sometimes that she loves the adventure as much as he does in Raiders.
We named the dog Indiana.
Another classic moment is when we all find out, in The Last Crusade, how "Junior" got his name. It turns out, George Lucas actually did have a dog named "Indiana."
You know, for an old man you ain't bad in a fight.
Mutt Williams (Shia LaBeouf) isn't anyone's favorite character in the series, but he does at least deliver this classic quote in The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.
You and I are very much alike. Archaeology is our religion, yet we have both fallen from the purer faith. Our methods have not differed as much as you pretend. I am a shadowy reflection of you. It would take only a nudge to make you like me, to push you out of the light.
Belloq (Paul Freeman) is one of Indy's main protagonists in Raiders, but he sees them as two sides of the same coin. It's safe to say Indy disagrees.
Going to the moon is like going to Reno and discovering they don't have blackjack.
Dial of Destiny is set in 1969, just as man was landing on the Moon for the first time. Indy is unimpressed as he discusses it with Helena (Phoebe Waller-Bridge).
Oh, Marcus. What are you trying to do, scare me? You sound like my mother. We've known each other for a long time. I don't believe in magic, a lot of superstitious hocus pocus. I'm going after a find of incredible historical significance, you're talking about the boogie man. Besides, you know what a cautious fellow I am.
Marcus Brody, for all his wonderful flaws, was always full of helpful advice, like he was when Indy was first setting out to find the Ark of the Covenant.
Is there anyone here who speaks English? Or maybe even ancient Greek?
After Indy explains that Brody is a master of blending in, we all get to see just how silly that idea is as the occasionally hapless helper is lost in the streets, standing out like a sore thumb.
No, you don't get it. You're half my age. You haven't been forced to drink the blood of Kali. Or been tortured with voodoo. And I'm just guessing, but I don't think you've been shot nine times including once by your father.
Helena gets a little annoying to Indy at times in Dial of Destiny, like when they are escaping from near-death, and he has to explain just how many times he's been in dicey situations.
Son, I'm sorry. They got us.
Sean Connery's deadpan delivery of this line after he accidentally shoots their own plane was one of my favorite lines when I first saw The Last Crusade. Henry is lying, of course, when he tells Indy that it was the planes chasing him that shot the tail fin. Hey, at least give him some credit for trying to take out the other plane.
Are you trying to develop a sense of humor or am I going deaf?
It's easy to argue that Indiana Jones is a bigger jerk in Temple of Doom than he is in the other movies. He's always cantankerous, sure, but in Temple of Doom, he just gets mean sometimes.
Marion, don't look at it. Shut your eyes, Marion. Don't look at it, no matter what happens!
When I was a kid, my mom took my sister and me to see Raiders in theaters. We were probably a little too young for some of the scenes in the movie, especially the last one. My mom, who I guess knew what was coming, told us to do what Indiana told us to do: shut our eyes. Well, he was telling Marion to close her eyes when the Germans opened the Ark, but it was good advice for little kid,s too.
Those people are trying to kill us!
For Henry, the desperate search for the Grail was a lifelong ambition, but he never expected to be targeted for death! Another one of Connery's pitch-perfect lines is followed by another classic from Indy, when he explains it happens to him all the time!
Snakes. Why'd it have to be snakes?
Ah, yes, snakes. The one thing Indiana fears more than all. Of course, it had to be snakes when he descends into the pit with the location of the Well of Souls. It also leads to one of the most iconic shots of the whole Indiana Jones film series when Indy comes face-to-face with a cobra. That scene, with all the "asps" crawling all over each other, gave me nightmares for years.
We seem to have reached the age where life stops giving us things and starts taking them away.
Near the beginning of the Crystal Skull, Charles Stanforth (Jim Broadbent) is talking to Indiana as Indy prepares to leave on his latest adventure. In a poignant moment, as Indy is looking at a photo of his father, Henry, he talks about aging and reaching an age when everything exciting looks to be in the rearview mirror of life. Indy isn't quite ready to give it up, as he soon proves.
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