I Decided To Rewatch Brokeback Mountain, And I Never Realized Just How Much The Movie Meant To Me Until Now

Did you know that it's been twenty years since Brokeback Mountain was released? Yeah, neither did I until about a week ago.

I've talked about my journey with sexuality a few times here. I'm proudly bisexual, and I've realized that for a long time, probably ever since high school. However, there was a time when I didn't fully understand what it was like and how it felt, and that's what led me to watch a lot of movies, such as Brokeback Mountain, back then.

I didn't quite get it – I think we have to be a certain age for things like this to hit us harder. While I regularly recommend some of the best LGBTQ+ movies and television shows available, I sometimes like to revisit certain films and shows that helped set me on the right path to understanding my feelings.

So now, I decided to rewatch Brokeback Mountain in honor of its 20th anniversary – jeez, Louise, that just aged me – and its re-release in theaters. I didn't quite realize back then just how much this film meant to me and how it guided me in the right direction of understanding who I was. So let's get into it.

Aside From The Story, The Movie Itself Is Amazing

I know everyone talks about Brokeback Mountain for the story, and don't get me wrong – the story is phenomenal. I mean, it beats out many of the other best romance movies out there because it truly portrays love in its rawest form and how it can either change or break you.

That's something that, as a mild fan of romance movies and fun rom-coms, I can appreciate – taking an honest look at love.

But this movie, in general, is just fantastic all around.

There's something about the cinematography that makes me smile every time, as I feel like every shot is filmed with such intention. Of course, the backdrop of the mountains only adds to the intensity of the moment. I don't even need to comment on the acting because you already know it's great – both the late Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhaal give all-time great performances here.

Even the score is fantastic. It was written by Gustavo Santaolalla, whom I know very well from both The Last of Us games and the HBO adaptation of The Last of Us. I just never knew he also wrote for this film, so it makes sense why it's fantastic.

This movie is a cinematic triumph by director Ang Lee, and we are fortunate to have witnessed it in our lifetimes.

It Shows The Complexities Of Sexuality, Something I Didn't Quite Understand.

But enough about how fantastic the movie is overall – let's talk about the story and why it meant so much to me.

As a young woman, I didn't really understand what sexuality was until I was older. As I've mentioned before, I grew up in a fairly religious household, with crosses in every single room, saying grace at dinner, and attending church every Sunday – you know, the usual.

To this day, I'd say I still am religious, not like when I was younger and forced to be, but I still believe in God and have come to terms with both that as well as who I am. But for a time, I was really struggling because it felt like I couldn't really be who I was without angering my family or my faith.

This movie really made me realize that I'm not alone in holding this thought. Let me explain.

While religion doesn't play a super heavy role in Brokeback Mountain, it opened my eyes to the fact that sexuality is such a complex topic for so many people, and it was totally alright for the younger me to be confused. Ennis is the perfect example of that.

As a teen, I didn't quite understand why it was so passionate and intense. Still, as an adult, I guess seeing Ennis struggle with his feelings and trying to come to terms with it was an eye-opener for me that it's a pretty constant thing even for older people to really understand whom they like, what they are into, and how they are going to approach it – especially when it conflicts with everything they have ever known.

It's one of those movies that really gave me the confidence to embrace the feelings I did have, because why spend my life constantly trying to push them down when I know they are there? There are other people out there who feel the same way.

It Also Details How Life Changes So Quickly Without Even Realizing, Leading To Regrets

Something else that I think hit me hard as a kid and now hits me even harder as an adult is how quickly life changes – and it's a lesson I believe everyone should learn.

When it comes to Brokeback Mountain, watching the downfall of Ennis and Jack is something that hits you hard every time because, in reality, everything that leads to their separation is laced with worries over the future and then leads to regrets about the past.

If you haven't seen the movie, I won't spoil it, but certain moments occur where the outcomes of decisions could have directly altered the future, and it prompts one to think.

How does one come to live a life with no regrets? Because this movie is the exact opposite. It's almost like a warning sign to those who watch – try to live your life as authentically as possible, because if you don't, you will have regrets.

And I think, as a young woman, that sat with me. While I certainly didn't make as much living in college as I had hoped to earn while pursuing my degree, I have made it my mission over the last few years to say yes more, to go out and do more, and to say no as little as possible. I never know what I might be missing out on – that includes accepting who I am.

As I said, I struggled with that for a while, but once I truly learned to accept my sexuality, and also where I came from and who I was, I realized that I could actually start living. And that…was a fantastic feeling.

Upon Further Thinking, I Really Don't Understand How This Didn't Win Over Crash

I know that this is old news, but I don't understand how Crash won Best Picture at the Oscars over Brokeback Mountain; you must have already known that, though.

I do think that Crash is also a good movie and a decent commentary on racial tensions across the United States and the police force. I also believe that Brokeback Mountain is one of those movies that, even if you aren't a part of the LGBTQ+ community, has a lot going for it. Anyone could find a connection with it. It hits every part of the soul.

Even twenty years later, people are still talking about this movie while Crash has sort of…vanished into the ether except for the controversy surrounding it, but that's just my take.

Either way, I really enjoyed rewatching this movie as an adult, and if you haven't seen it in a while, I would highly recommend checking it out. Trust me, you won't regret it – and you probably won't want to quit it either. (Did that pun make sense? I'm not sure, but watch the movie.)